I thought if I perservered, It's good for us. But looks like I was wrong.
I'm getting used to this. Waking up to friend's messages feels the same. I pack my time with lunch dates and after work activities and occupy myself with homework seems to do the trick. Before I could love anyone again I have to love myself first. So, I've resumed eating normally and go for my regular exercises. Work, play, exercise, sleep. That's the routine before I knew you and this is how I'm gonna live my life. I just had to think about how my life was like before we met, and all of a sudden, i was enlightened.
It's always been the same. I've always been independent, and I had to be since you weren't around all the time. I didn't need you for school, I didn't need you for work. I had you as a bonus for a emotional backup, and when it's gone, I shouldn't feel shortchanged. I just wonder why did I take so long to realise.
I chaired the first meeting that I called for today. I was in control of work and I enjoy it. If I could do so well at work, I bet I must reign in my emotions too. I would stop thinking with my heart and start to think with my brain. I've received enough hurt and I don't want it anymore.
It's time to shut the emotional factory down and spend some quality time with the people who actually cared to stay.
To the phantom future that we built, I'm slowly killing it one by one. It was all too idealised, too dreamy. We could have made it work but my efforts alone cannot achieve anything. I'm coping well & I just hope you are too.
Merrily, merrily, merrily merrily, life is but a dream.
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