7th day. It's about time honey.

I woke up nestled in a wonderland of a fluffy mess. I guess I finally mastered the way I should make use of my pillows. But while I lay covered and warm, I could feel the surrounding air still cold and uncertain. Waking up in bed is like a metaphor for my journeys in life, that I was born protected and now I have to face it alone, and I have to be courageous to break out of my comfort zone. What is most scary is that I don't know what's to come, everything around me is shrouded in a thick air of mystery. But if I don't fight these feelings of dread and fear, I'll never walk out alive and well. Maybe this is the kind of teachings you want to impart me when you decided to leave. I'm learning it the hard way but we don't have to. Being together is about giving each other support in times of need, & while strength is required to face the tribulations in life, can't we just rest at home, confide and make things work out together? Two is always better than one. Boys throw tantrum and they do the running-away-from-home stunt. It's time you abandon your tantrums and come back. Stop hurting me.

Yesterday I went to meet up my RBS ex colleagues after work. They were the ones who knew you just as the same time I knew you at the corner place. The plan was to make me feel better if I could lash out at the guy who pulled our heart strings together. But nothing really helps. Instead he said to me, "I warned you he was a player." I felt angry because I believe that oppa, you're not. I still believe in you. When people tell me you moved on, I felt hurt too not because you will, but because it's possible.

Last night we went tanjong pagar, one of the cafés there. I passed by the Lotte mart, one of our last stop-by when you were here in Singapore. Everywhere were Koreans, I wonder why. Even in the cafe Koreans were talking non-stop in their language. Our memories just flashed by, one by one. I thought of how you won't get reminded of our times because everything happened in Singapore. Everytime they speak my heart ached so badly I could die. There's hardly any triggering places for you to think about me there in Auckland. I felt glad I'm shouldering all the pain for us so you're safe from hurt. Let me be hurt instead. I deserve it. As long as you're okay.

People tell me I should just walk away. I know I should so I don't bother you anymore. I did stay away. So I hope you feel better now. But I made a promise to you. So I'll just stay. I'll just stay.