There are some boundaries I chose not to cross, and I learnt how "ignorance is bliss". I don't know if you did visit this space. I don't know what time you wake up every day. What I don't know can't hurt me. But I've been receiving explanations for your leaving, and what hurts most was the possibility that you've moved on to another person.
I guess the future just have too much possibilities to unfold. Some of which I rather not discover.
Last night I slept too late. I was glad I didn't wake up again at 3.30am. Recently the weather has been too cold. The cold wind seeps into my bones and I shiver all over the place. I wake up in a land of my 5 cooling pillows though. But none are as warm as your embrace. I'm getting used to the emptiness in the morning and I'm okay. I would think about our would-be future then I wipe them off with a brain wiper. Everyday my mind doodles images of us. Slowly I'm forgetting where the moles on your body are. Slowly I would forget your features, day by day. Somehow, the feeling still remains like everything just happened yesterday.
I stepped into the MRT. I got a seat somewhere. I remember how you used to threaten me that you would tell everyone I'm pregnant if I don't listen to you. You were such an asshole, but comparatively a better one than now. Still, I can't hate.
My friend shared with me the 5 stages of grief when I was grieving over the loss of us.
1. Isolation and denial.
2. Anger.
3. Bargaining.
4. Depression.
5. Acceptance.
http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/000617
No matter how much I tried. I couldn't be angry with you. Then I get angry at myself, for doing/not doing everthing I could, to protect you.
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