What I dislike

I don't like to be sick. But unfortunately, I am. & I don't like it because not only you can't be here, even if I told you, I don't get a follow-up concern in the following hours in the day. Neither do I get one the next morning. I'm not complaining. I know you're a cool guy like that. Because you don't need concern like that, I don't get it too. But sometimes, I don't have to get better to feel better. Sometimes, even if it's just a "Peiru, are you feeling better already now?" will make me feel better.

Really. That's all I needed to hear to not be a crybaby in the nights & not be the annoying girlfriend in the day trying the entire day to get your attention hundreds of miles away.

& in the nights, I could only flip through photos of you chucked in my Korean books & pretend you're here with me. Only that, you're not.


Xoxo. 잘자요!


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Experience

Because I lost you before, I know how painful it is. By right, people say that we grow stronger with experience, so if I've lost you before, I should be immune, I shouldn't feel pain even if you went away again. But no, it's not like that. Because I know how painful it is, it doesn't get any better. I just know I can't go through the same thing again. You're precious to me. There's only one of you out there, and I know it very well in my heart you're not rare, you're the only and only Kim kyoung tae.

I'm sick today & I'm feeling especially sensitive. I wish I had you by my side. But too bad we don't have the luxury of being able to see each other. Today I called you because I felt abandoned. Then talking to you always made my day better. I wanted to text but I don't have the strength to. I was almost lifeless, until I heard your voice. It makes me want to gather all my energy to make the best of our conversations. I love hearing you speak. It's melody to me. I could listen to you all day. Then when I suggested you go get your things done, you said, "no. How bout we do this for five more minutes?" You make me feel wanted. I can't say no to that. :) then again, at night when you checked back on whatsapp, you have me ample "overdue hugs" that's like bloody sweet. I could be diabetic. You're too sweet. :))

& I love you oppa. I love you.


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Anything & everything

I have a wounded thumb & my muscles are aching all over. Then I cringe in pain and over the sleepless nights these ailments are giving me. Then I think about the why(s).

The other day I went to the supermarket. I was gonna make kimchi. So when you come over we can have kimchi stew! Heh. I bought 4 kg of cabbage. Kimchi has to use distilled water, and can't use the tap water or mineral water as the minerals will slow down the fermenting process... I bought another 3000ml of water. I got some other condiments, in the end I was carrying about 8 kg of stuffs from the supermarket to my house. My arms were breaking, then I realised. I'm too weak. I need to carry this kind of weight if I were to go grocery shopping. As a woman I must be stronger. Then I realised, all the strength training must be endured now. So the aching muscles from gymming are worth it. So I can be the perfect housewife. I don't need a ride from my husband. He can have fun while I prepare a sumptuous dinner every night to welcome him home. He only have to worry about finishing the food and about getting fat. This is the kind of wife I have to be. :)

Then I was cutting carrots. Then I accidentally sliced my flesh too. Thankfully it wasn't that painful. But I was dizzy and had a headache. Must be from the loss of blood. I didn't know what to do. I could see I cut myself quite deep but it wasn't that painful. I ran to my uncle who was 10 mins away and he helped me wash and bandage the wound. & very quickly I'm okay. I felt like crying like a little girl would but I told myself I'm a big girl now. These are my battle scars made in the kitchen. I go to war for your happiness and your well being. Therefore, every single time, I only wish you'll eat well and better.

Then I know, when you're the reason for anything I endure, you're The One. And for you, I'm back on my Korean again. :) I'm sorry I kept delaying. But when you told me that you mentioned me to your grandma, I couldn't feel happier. I wished I could call her up and chat for a little while. I love grandmas. They're the loveliest and kindest people. I'm on it hun...

For you, I'd do anything :)

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Morning hun! :D I'm sorry I've been busy. But I'm only doing this so when you're here I hope I have all the time in the world for you. :)

Yesterday I went to marina square, and I would never fail to visit the place where we first met :) I remember how I first heard your voice, and how you gave me your contact details. HAHA. Even till now it's funny. But I'm glad I met you with your balls the size of the earth. Haha. Otherwise, we may just cross paths and never become lovers.

I still love you, more than ever now, you're my last love.

Oh, and you showed me your project proposal today :) it was written so well. I'm proud of you, that even though English isn't your first language, you could write so well :) I hope your project goes all smooth love!

I'm not sure if I pulled a muscle, but since I went for gym today, my hip has been aching. Damn. I feel like an old lady. Even as I lay on the bed,my hip ached like crazy. Sigh. I miss you hun. You make all the pain go away. Please come to me soon...

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It feels like forever

I unconsciously thought about when you're coming. It feels like forever. Its 1 more month. & I can stand it already. I need you in my life. I really need you. You make everything happier. You make me happier. Even if I'm having the worst day at work. I just had to ring you up, hear your voice, and everything is set right again. If I'm dying at work, I hear your voice, or I just have to feel your presence, I find the energy to go on again. Even when I feel lonely, I text you. You don't have to say anything. But I just see your 'online' status.... It feels like you're just with me, & I feel safe. You are magic. Everything turns better with you around.

You, must be god sent. & I can't wait. Please be here soon. I need you.

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Idleness

I feel lonely & fat tonight. Today I finally got myself some rest. But the unexpected rest I'm giving myself seems to be very wrong. I eat, sleep, watch show. & I'm still awake at this godforsaken hour. 2.45am. What am I gonna do. I'm supposed to be up at 11am tmr. I feel like eating but I'm not hungry. Damn. I ate and slept immediately. I feel so fat. & I feel so lonely.

& so I talked to koko. I keep calling his name. "Koko, koko" he doesn't respond. So I gave him a hug. I miss you honey. I miss you so much. If only you were here. I can get a good night's kiss, your sweetest voice & a really tight, loving hug. This is the perfect concoction to put me to sleep.

Oppa. I need you tonight. I hope you wake up soon.

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Movies

I seldom watch movies. I think it's a waste of time and money if the only purpose is to fill time that we are eager to spend.

I'm very practical. I think it serves very little purpose. If couples go to the movies, it's worse. We sit side by side, not talking to each other when we should have been. 2 hours or so gets lost in transition. And it's not like it's gonna be a permanent talk of the town. I'm sorry I'm not appreciative of the simpler pleasures in life. But to me, entertainment comes in a different form. I get entertainment and satisfaction from my work that I absolutely love doing. Then again. These are separate matters. I need to learn how to re categorise work & enjoyment.

Nevertheless, today I went for a movie with my friends. "Need for speed", they suggested. It was a race car show :) I immediately thought of you. I was like "YAY. Race cars. Oppa would love it so much :). Okay! Let's watch it"

I feel as if I'm watching it with my eyes for you.

I was so excited when the cars all raced each other. It's a adrenaline shot one after another. There the babies go. Vroom. Vroom. Louder vroom. Even after the show, I've got the urge to race a car. But I drove my friend's Toyota Altis. The accelerator seems like it doesn't work. The speed rises so slowly. I revved the car. My feet went all the way down, up a little, and down again. Vroom vroom. But I guess it's just not meant to go fast. :/ despite that, I brought everyone safely home with my excellent driving skills and the racer alive in me. I went a little faster, I did all the corners with sharper turns. I made all my friends in the backseat pile against each other. Oh. It was so so fun. & I'm sure they enjoyed it too. Heh.

And trust me. I'm terribly safe. :)

They had all the super cars. Ferrari, mustang reconstructed with some awesome engine, Bugatti veyron,
Saleen, mclaren p1, GTA Spano, Lamborghini Sesto Elemento & the OMG! Agera supercar.

Really OMG. Honey. :) vrrroooommmm!


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My late nights

I worked till 11pm today. It's all gonna be worthwhile, that when I look back at all I've done, for myself & for us... I know I won't regret it. You're my future. & I'll work harder even. For you & for us. Good night my love. I hope everything runs smoothly for you tomorrow and for the days to come! I'd have whatsapp breakfast for you this morning :D


Enjoy!

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Crazy

I'm living in a house with a crazy woman. Like a really crazy woman.

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Hold on

I'm feeling sick. My last meal was at 12.30. Poof! And 10 hours just went past like that. And I haven't ate or drank much since. I'm in a cab now, battling the motion sickness and a growling stomach protesting for food. But I have no capacity for hunger nor the health to fight the nausea. I'm in a state of hunger but I'm not hungry for food. I'm utterly worn down to the core but I'm wide awake due to the caffeine overdose I prescribed myself.

The only reward at the end of the day, perhaps, own the slim and svelte body in magazines, and commercials that I never had.

I want more. Maybe in terms of monetary reward. But I won't ask for it. Being passive seems like the most ideal way to go. In time to come, I shall wait. Greed can forget about consuming me. If I can fight greed, I can fight this. Believing in the things I can learn would worth more than the things I ask for. :)

Kindness begets kindness. Effort begets greatness.

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Angry

Today, it's a really bad day. After entertaining the most stupid questions people can actually ask, I come home to a super angry bitch who does the most ridiculous things to show her anger. I have to be the only civilized person and take all the nonsense in. And I believe these negative people will get their due karma.

Even so, it doesn't stop me from being upset. I try to forget about it but everything agitates me so much.

I wish justice can be served soon. My blood is boiling at 200 degrees and I realise a fever might be coming to me. I can't believe I'm so weak like that. Then again, I believe if I just be a good person, I'll be served my reward in time.

I'll just wait. But sigh. I'm getting sick.


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Word

Just marry me already. :')



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