Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Bad people everywhere

I met two very terrible people in two days. I must be down on my luck. Today I worked till 11 plus, and I called a cab. I forgot the receipt after I got out of the cab but when I remembered, the cab uncle was still there. But he accelerated when he saw me going after him. Is it a natural reflex to run when someone is chasing? I don't know.

Yesterday I met a kangaroo auntie in the MRT. I'm quite sure she purposely kicked my legs, twice. Maybe she was jealous I'm prettier. I really don't understand why she can't keep her legs to herself. I feel like pulling her hair or rip her legs out from her waist. But I tell myself I must be cultivated and civilized & differentiate myself from these people. Are people too stressed and going crazy? What's wrong with them?

I just know on a day to day basis I'm a pretty happy person. I just can't stand that someone else is going through a bad day & have to find victims like me for them to vent their frustrations. Like really. Why are there people like that?

On the other hand, I've helped a colleague rush her work today & I'm pretty sure I did it quite well. Up to this point of time I'm not sure if earning money or credibility is harder. I don't really get extra money from helping, but I certainly will seem more reliable a worker. & I'm pretty satisfied with my performance. Though there's always room for improvement. Heh.

Oh well. New day new beginnings. Just don't let me meet another terrible person. This week, I pretty much had enough.

On the other hand, my gym is doing me some favour. I feel lighter and stronger & prettier. & on the other hand, I'm thankful we seem to be picking up well.

You're all that matters at the end of the day. I just hope bad people stay out of my way, & out of this world. There's no place for crazy people in my world. Leave me alone.

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Monday, January 27, 2014

Today is a really bad day. I don't even know where to start but I just felt like crying.

I don't know. I wish I could hate you for not being here. But it's too unfair. I'm too angry to think straight. But I must be cultivated and refined at the same time. Tonight I feel fat, unwanted, abandoned and used.

I can't believe people can be this terrible. I really don't know where to start. & where are you....
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Thursday, January 23, 2014

I miss you so much

I miss you so much last night I dreamt about you. We were at a bar, then that's all the time we had together. From day till night, I didn't go home, you didn't too. But when it was late at night, when the mall where we were in closes, we couldn't bear to leave each other. But I went off first anyway, because the bartender was chasing me away. Then as I walked away when you didn't notice, you ran after me and hugged me from the back, you asked me not to leave. But we have to part for the day. I think that was the rule in the dream. We could only meet again the next day.

While we were at the traffic lights, where the junction was, we're were waiting for the green man to flicker. You just stood behind me and hugged me tight, as though it was the last night we're gonna spend together. Like how you hugged me in the mrt and made people think I was pregnant and offered me a seat. Remember? It was good times. Our wait at the traffic light seemed so long yet so short. It seemed like we were the only people who existed in the world, as we looked lovingly into each other's eyes, as if if we were to part again, we would never see each other again. Every minute we cherished just in case there was no tomorrow, just in case it was the last night you could hug me this close.

There is a part three. But I shall keep this dream to myself :) it's so bitter sweet, I wished the ending was to have us together for eternity. Unfortunately it was morning already so I don't know what happened to us. Maybe the future is in our hands to decide. & every step I'm taking now are very decisive, aggressive and uncalculated & willful moves to hop into your arms, hoping you are a good bet I can put my last chip on.

Thousands of advices are telling me to not walk into this trap of broken love, that I cannot ever ever go back to a man who broke my heart. Please don't be disheartened, and please don't feel sad about the truth oppa, because I'm courageously taking steps to defy the world, just because I believe in you. & if the entire world turn their backs on me, I only have you to fall back on. Same goes the other way, if the entire world turns their back on you, I'd still believe in you. Our mutual strength is a secret weapon for everything negative in the world. You are my strength & reason to live on. Please allow me to be yours too.

I'm glad we're picking up. But I'm afraid to think too much of it. It's sad that we've become like that. So I'm not sure this positivity can ultimately bear the fruit of my hopes. For the past few months I've held onto the belief that you'll come back. It was an empty bet. & it didn't make it better that you didn't guaranteed anything. I was clutching onto the survival ropes of fear & empty dreams. I was just glad that on the other end, you're still holding onto this rope off the cliff I'm left deserted and forgotten.




Keep holding on. We'll be the happiest people if we just held on. I don't have expectations other than spending my life with you. It doesn't have to be glamorous. We don't have to have money to be rich. My life is richer with you, it's gonna be more than fulfilling. I don't know about you oppa.

I just always prayed you'll feel the same.

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Wednesday, January 22, 2014

I don't know the situation, but it seemed everytime you had to work for your ex boss, you work longer & harder.

😭

Please get more rest oppa. I wanted to work later today but I couldn't stay awake enough. My friend called me up for dinner so I decided to cut myself some slack and go ahead with dinner. Now I'm just back at 11pm. But I still have some readings to do before school tmr.

I'm working ultra hard now to catch up. I need to excel this semester :D

Good night oppa.

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stripped privilege

in 7 mins time, oppa, you should be awake for work. In the past I'd set my alarm, just to wake you up for school. Now I must resist the urge to call you up, just because I'm stripped of the right to do so.

To be able to be the one to call you up, remind you of the little things in life that matters is a privilege. To me it's the most blissful thing to do for a loved one. Nevermind that you're not doing the same. To me, everything I do for you never seems to be enough, as if my previous lifetime I'm super indebted to you.

I'll try to get over this, though I know I never really can. you're being ridiculous. I want to be in your plan.

why must we wait. 오빠, 왜 나 기다리게 해요? 왜? 뽀뽀 없어요? 뽀뽀 안돼요?


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Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Good times

Hahah Edward Kim. Look at what you used to send me. These are our first messages with each other. Not cool. But how did I fall in love with you?

























After you left, I checked my phone a thousand times for your reply. My days weren't great without you.

Cheers, Peiru.

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Just for laughs

Oppa. I wonder how's your day. Hope it's good. But if it's bad, I have this pun to share. I saw it on some famous guy Tommy's Instagram.

& he captioned it "cause you're hot and you're cold" -Katy perry



I laughed like crazy. Hope you did too :)

I'm excited today. A little happy, a little over the rainbow.
Work is moving slow but I'm trying to combat this problem. Heh.

I just can't wait to see you.

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I don't know why

Oppa, I don't know why, but tonight, my heart is missing you a thousand times more than the usual.

I really wish in future, instead of typing it out here, I can text you instead. Instead of texting, maybe I can call you instead. And maybe instead of calling, I could tell you face to face instead. And maybe, if I'm luckier, instead of telling it to you face to face, I could whisper into your ears, and if I put my hands on your chest, I'd like it that it'd beat ten, twenty times faster, like it used to be.

I don't know what are we now, even though I asked you about it. But we're nothing like before. This is the first time I ever had to find back the love that's lost. It's like a treasure hunt, only harder than I thought.

You can make it easy for me & for us, why don't you do that now.

Oppa, don't keep neglecting this genuine heart of mine. Because I love you this much...

To me, you're everything. With you, nothing really matter. You don't have to show me the whole of New Zealand for me to love that place. I'd love any place as long as you're there. You don't have to feed me well because to me, you're my lifeline. I'm quite sure I can go without food and water for days, but I've never felt nearer to death than that day you wanted us to break up. You don't have to be the best in the corporate or academic world, because even without these credentials, I still see all the good in you to excel in life. I believe in you, everything that you tell me. I just hope you won't betray this trust & that you never lied to me. You're not born the most handsome man on earth, yet, you look more than just fine. I cannot imagine one day I couldn't see you anymore. & I'm damned sure this face is the only face I want to wake up to in the mornings. I love how your muscle-less hands can still hold my hands so tightly, I love how your body can give me so much warmth. I love how your mini eyes can still show so much emotion to capture my heart, & how your half-formed dimple on your left cheek can illuminate a smile so bright & so genuine my heart melts everytime I see you smile. The half-Korean half-kiwi accent sounds like a well formed melody, so pleasant to my ears, & you're absolutely sweet when you tell me how I shouldn't lose weight because I'm perfect as I am. It's one of the sweetest things a man can ever say to a lady.

You're the sweetest boy ever.

It was my loss to have lost you. You've punished me enough already. It's enough already.


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Monday, January 20, 2014

I'm counting down already

oppa, what was the app that you used for the countdown the other time? I want to download that too, so I can countdown to the day I'm seeing you.

HAHAHAHA. I'm so happy, you wouldn't believe it.

But for now, I have to slog day and night, to reach targets and hold realistic dreams of accomplishing what I've been assigned. Sigh. work is tough. Plus tomorrow is the start of my school. I wish I can cope well between studies and work.

To see you in February is a little tight, but it's okay. For you, I'll speed up my work so I can fully enjoy myself while I'm with you. I'm not bringing my book. It's too heavy. Heh. I can learn my Korean, brush it up before I meet you again. I'm so psyched. I'm so excited.

I'll bring you a surprise. whether you like it or not. I bet you'll like it. hees. I'm very sure you'll like it. But please don't expect anything much. & Don't worry. we don't have a love child. HAHAHAHAHA. Just kidding :p

Oppa. Good night to you.

Thankful

I still feel thankful that you would drop me messages every now and then. It feels like we're coming back. Back then I felt like we're the most legendary couple god ever made. With you by my side I feel most complete, as if nothing else would matter. Oppa don't let go, not even when you feel tired. Because if only you would just hold onto us, we would see the brightest & happiest future.

We've been apart long enough. Let's not waste time together. Because we don't know what's ahead of us, and how long do we have.

We're young enough to be reckless and do irrational things. Let's take the leap now & worry later. Although the worry wart in me always get the better of me, but oppa, you'd know how to handle me.

"Trust me" you'd say. & I'd say "Yes, I do."

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Sunday, January 19, 2014

I was so so so tired after spending overnight at Malaysia again with my usual secondary sch gang. It was Cai feng's birthday & we had a simple celebration with her :)














& when I checked my email again I saw the confirmation of the ticket to Auckland. Haha. I'm such a worry wart. I worry about everything. But thankfully you're always so chill oppa :D you always make me feel better everytime & I'm so thankful for it.

It's my turn to countdown to you this time. I'm still scared. I love planes. I'm so glad I get to go up and down the plane 4 times instead of the usual 2 times. I'm psyched. I love the taking off and landing part. I want the window seats too. I'm so gonna rush early to the airport and book my window seats. & I'll make sure my bladder is kept empty so I won't have to visit the loo. Heh!

I feel like a kid all over again. & most importantly, I'm finally gonna see you.

Maybe this would be life-changing for us.
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Friday, January 17, 2014

Can't believe

Oppa, tonight you made me the happiest girl on earth. Maybe waiting made these all worthwhile.
You're all worth the while.

I can't believe I'm going New Zealand for the first time. It's where my mom & dad went for their honeymoon.

I can't believe everything that's happened today. & I'm scared to go over. It'll be my first time flying alone. I'm scared. Thankfully it's a English dominated country so I'll find my way around. YAY.

Thankfully it's not Korea. HAHA.

I've been neglecting my size & my Korean. I need to brush it up soon because I have a oppa to impress in my upcoming trip.

This oppa is the most important man in my life & I need him to fall head over heels over me. HAHA.

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On the bright side

On the bright side, after all that's happened today, I managed to self make a iPad casing for myself out of felt. Looks pretty amazing. I'm such a wife material. :p





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Thursday, January 16, 2014

:(

I don't know why the worst things happens to me.

You have no idea. I just feel so much injustice in this world right now.

Can I talk to you?

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the most dreadful feeling on earth

Together with you, I learned a new emotion. That is the feeling of emptiness. Not because you left me feeling this emptiness on purpose, but just because you happened to be that only one person who cause cause such a huge impact upon me, that whenever your presence cannot be felt, the emptiness sets in.

For so so so many times, you either deliberately, or unknowingly made me feel this way.

1. Whenever you left the airport, I feel empty.
2. Whenever you let go of my hand, I feel empty
3. Whenever you left me alone for a little while to throw your cigarette butt away for that one moment, I felt empty for that little while
4. Whenever we fight and while we're just beside each other, our emotional distance was pulled so far away, I feel empty
5. whenever you didn't support me in my decision, I feel empty
6. whenever I left you at home while I go to work, I feel empty
7. whenever you refused to hug me, I feel empty
8. whenever you were angry at me, I feel empty

All of the above, are varying degrees of emptiness. It can be as minor that kind of childish, funny, unbearable little heartache that you let go of my hand for that 5 seconds to throw your cigarette butt away, that kind of little emptiness, or the really serious kind of emptiness such as when we quarrel... that kind of deadful feeling, as we gamble our love away.

But no kind of emptiness can be worse than knowing that the next day, I won't wake up next to you. Not waking up to you, oppa, i'm very sure by now, is the emptiest feeling in the world. Knowing that the first person I see in the morning won't be you, it's a really god damned serious matter. I won't feel good the entire day, & I don't feel complete. You are the missing puzzle to my heart. you're the key to my happiness.

I'm sorry about the previous post. I don't mean to boast. I just went out with a few new people & I'm only complimenting their really rare and impressive gestures of being a true gentleman. I hardly experience it anymore now that you're not around with me. I'm sorry it affected you, it shouldn't be that way. You need to trust me more. I'll never do abandon you. I've said it before & I'd say it again. If with me, I'm not giving you the best treatment, tell me, & I promise to be better for you. because you deserve the best.

Oppa, I have pretty packed lessons for Jan and Feb. 14-18 is still pretty cool. Maybe March it's possible because I don't have any more lessons by then. Do you really want me there? Would you really welcome me? I'm conflicted. For you maybe I can take 5 days off. Then I would have 9 days, plus 2 weekends. hmm...

It'll be a very bold decision. I'm not sure if I should go ahead with it. I've never travelled alone. I'm scared. Of many things. ): I'm scared. Would I be a burden to you? Would I take up too much of your time? Would I interefere with your life? What if I see you with another girl? what if I realised the people you hang out with there's a lot of temptation.

how am i gonna survive this?

I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Haven't met guys who are such a gentleman for a while now. Glad tonight I met one, or a few so to speak :)

Pleasant session.

Sometimes

有时候,只想有人握着我的手,走这一生。我以为会是你...

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Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Mistake

Putting your face on my blog was a little mistake. Now I'm jealous I've shown your face to so many girls out there. I can't share. At the same time, every time I see your picture my heart breaks.

When will I see you again?


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Emotional

Now I know why I felt so emotional last night. It's the start of my magic day today oppa.

Last night I cried myself to sleep again. I missed you so much. *insert crying face*

Tonight, my prayers to god would be... 이거 잘생겼어 오빠 주세요.

I kept staring and staring at this picture. & then tonight, the tears flowed again. For some reason, I'm really going crazy. I know it's just a picture, but how I wish the oppa in the picture would just turn his head and look at me one more time. Maybe if you saw me crying this badly, maybe your heart would hurt and ache, then maybe you'll come back to me.







I found this in my cupboard. I love putting puzzle pieces together. At the end of the day I feel like I accomplished something. Heh. :) & I want to complete something with someone I love. So, I resisted the urge and decided not to open the pack, & I'll wait for your return, & we'll complete the puzzle together.








Only if you'll come back to me.

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Sunday, January 12, 2014

I'm sorry

Somehow after so long, no matter how good I am at expressing how much I missed you, I could only say so much. I've ran out of words to say, I've ran out of expressions to show you the extent of how much I missed you during these times where you forbade me to text you, or even to talk to you. Until now I don't really know the purpose of us not talking to each other. Yes, you told me before that it's because you're afraid our relationship would turn out worse if we don't talk to each other until we see each other again, but I don't see how not talking to each other can make it any better.

I think of you all the time. Before I sleep, I'll think about you. When I wake up, I'll wonder if you slept well too? When I eat, I'll worry if you skipped any meals, or did you eat well? When I am happy I wished you're there to share my joy & when I'm down I wished you were here to just hold my hand. But sometimes I wonder, do you think about me the same? The other day, I saw the really beautiful water fountain show at MBS, I really wanted to share it with you, so I'm sorry I broke the rules and sent you a little video. Because of this stupid rule you set, almost immediately I regret sending you. I'm afraid I crossed the line, I'm afraid I've disturbed you. I feel sorry to continually interfere with your life.

Today, I slept the entire day. & I encountered something scary. I woke up semi-awake. My half opened eyes saw a shadow coming my way. I quickly closed my eyes because I was frightened. Suddenly My entire body felt very very heavy. As if that shadow "possessed" me. I wanted to scream and move I couldn't. But I'm afraid if it were a ghost possessing me, it'll stay here forever, so with all my might, I finally managed to shout "go away" in Chinese. I woke up in shock and fear. & at that moment, while I'm not sure whether it's a dream or reality, I wished oppa can be there to hug me. I wanted to pick up the phone to call you, so I can talk to somebody. Then I thought about it, it's a bad idea. I can't go to you all the time. You'll leave me, again.

Every time when I can't control my feelings and texted you, I hate myself for doing so. I'm sorry.

The moment you broke us up, I know I lost the right to love you. & because I loved you too much, I don't know where to put my feelings. They overflowed, and I can't force my heart upon you, so this love became so difficult and so suffocating.

Till today, I'm still sorry you met me.

You've officially left me for about two weeks from 4 months now. I dont know how I'm feeling now. I just know if you asked me back, I'd run back to you no matter what you did to me. If you said you are hungry, I'll cook for you no matter how tired I am. If you said you're tired I'll lend you my thighs and stroke your head gently until you fall asleep. If you feel lonely I'd make sure even when you wake up I'm by your side so you won't feel empty.

I don't know why I still feel like this for you. & every time I try to forget you, you drop me a little text & it pulls me back to you. I feel in love again. But the oppa I loved then changed.

Once upon a time, there was a man who loved me with all his heart. No matter what happened he wouldn't let go, even when I try to walk away thinking that we're not possible. That oppa told me, the more the world is against us, the more odds are against us, even though we live very far away, we can and we will be together. He asked me to trust him & just follow him. But after he gained my trust, somewhere along the way, he decided to let go & left me alone.

You don't know how special you are. It was painful to see you leave. Don't do it to another girl. It's too heartless.

& of all the people in the world, I thought you wouldn't do it to me. But I was wrong. Like all girls in the world, to you, I'm just another girl. I'm just another girl whom you can hurt & leave. Maybe you will protest & tell me I'm different. But isn't that what you told me from the start? That I'm different? But see oppa, see what you did to me?
There's this thing called 자존심, with you, I've given it all up. I've begged you, I've said sorry a thousand times. Just for you to come back.

You just never gave a damn.

I'm still thinking why you left. At that point of time, you said it's because you lost feelings. Now you're saying you need time to sort things out. I don't know which is the truth. I just know, you're not willing to guarantee me you'll love me forever. People change, feelings change. I understand. Perhaps from the start you never loved me as much as you believed you did.

Oppa, we're from two different worlds. Don't try too hard. Be the happy man that you are. Please forget me. I'm sorry.


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CNY

Chinese New Year is coming & I missed that time when you came over to my aunt's place and you were such a sport. & all the yummy yummy food over the steamboat.

:( why aren't you here this summer.

Hahaha dad got this one this Chinese New Year. It's a new product. Looks awesome. Lots of abalone, Chinese mushrooms, dried scallop and some other things I don't know what is it. Looks pretty good to me.




Wished you were here. I think I'd be saying a lot of this for the following weeks.

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Meh

Oppa. Today we celebrated kaiwei's birthday again. Oh it was good fun :)

We also ordered an entire duck :) it's so good. I need to bring you here to have it. It's Peking duck. I'm not sure If you had it before . But it's so yummy heh!








Thereafter we had ice cream and a really sumptuous dinner. Was too hungry so didn't post Picts. :p


I really miss having you here. The other day I went out with couples. I miss the simple hand holding and hugging. I loved how you hugged me all the time.

I'm so jealous of all the couples.

We also went to see the water laser show by MBS. It was so pretty and spectacular. Why didn't we go watch it while you were here? It's so romantic :)

As for now, I'll live better for you, until the day you pick me up from where we left again.

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Friday, January 10, 2014

Oh no

Oppa. I'm busying with doing kaiwei's card. I got off work early today but I'm still behind time. Sigh. It's 3 am here & I'm dead tired. I'm gonna turn in soon. See my masterpiece! I call it the ipaper. Behind every "icon" is a space for a message for kaiwei's birthday.

You can wish her if you want to :) it's today.



On the other hand, looking back at all the events today, I've been responsible, I've been accomplishing, & I've been happy. My happiest moment was when I received that message from you. It's good to know I'm missed once in a while. While you need some little push, imagine how long I have gone without it.

But I'm willing to wait. You're worth every second of it.

I'm just embarrassed I don't have a nice voice. I'm jealous of yours. It's so pleasant. You're like good in everything. You're god-sent.

& I'm still thankful I met you.

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Wednesday, January 8, 2014

The first hand

아이씨! I thought I lost my staff pass today. I wasted my lunch time looking for it. Turns out that someone picked it from the toilet and returned it to the security only after lunch. What luck. Thanks to that colleague though. At least I didn't lose it otherwise I'd be charged.

I worked till 10pm today. I'm so tired now. The rough taxi ride and the car sickness thereafter wasn't funny. I puked my dinner out. & now, It's 2am. ㅜㅜ. How am I gonna wake up tomorrow.


Anyway, the Korean drama I'm watching now... There's this female doctor holding another doctor's hands. Then they were like "my heart is beating so hard and fast" or something like that. Then...

I remembered the first time you held my hands. The one where you didn't even ask for my permission. The one that took my heart away.

I wish life was a tape. Because that first date was my favourite and most unbelievable day of my life. I want to put it on reply ten thousand times over. I couldn't imagine life without that episode now. It's still unbelievable when I think about it. How did we meet, and why did I want to see you that day? I didn't want to because I was alone. But I wanted to because my heart kept asking me to. It's the voice and the face that drew me to you. And beyond the superficial qualities you have, as I got to know you better, I realized I've got the best package.

You are everything to me. You've become everything to me. I don't know when it started. But it's just so unbelievable. :)

There's one question I'm really curious about. But I must see your expression as you answer. I may never get an answer to my question, but it's okay.

I'm happy I met you. So far, you're the best thing that has ever happened to me.

How would a normal person like me, meet such a perfect you?

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Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Morning oppa. Wanted to blog last night but was dead tired after going to kaiwei's house for a little dinner.

Thank you again for doing me the favour. I cannot thank you enough. I would do the same for you if you had a friend here oppa :) <3

How are you? Did you have a good sleep? :D you must have slept so late last night :( hope you manage to sell more cars today. Heh! Like maybe all of it. All of it.

I'm so jealous of my friend. I really am. Please trust that I wanted so much to be there.

It's not something words are enough to describe...

Have a good day oppa.

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Monday, January 6, 2014

The buried smile

Everytime I think of you I feel a mixture of feelings. Somewhat bitter, somewhat sweet.

But I just had to imagine that you are the frog in that stretcher I'd laugh my heart out.

Gree-bit gree-bit.

Stupid frog. :/ now I know why price charming became a frog. Because it was too greedy and stupid when he already had his pretty wife,

he just walked away.

I'm sorry to trouble you today. But you were nice enough to entertain me still. Thank you oppa, for still being so nice to me.

<3

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Don't just imagine. Be the thing you want to.

After a day of being in bed & waking up to Korean shows, I plugged myself out of this comfort zone where I was almost found rotting, I made a trip to town to join kaiwei.

& I got pretty fat today eating all that junk food. It's karma in physical form, that we also spent a night bitching about things in our lives. Oh girls. I love this life. :)

There was this fair selling bedsheets & pillows & couches. Then I so want my own place so I can decorate them & make it my home sweet home. You'd be the perfect choice. If we work things out. I don't want a boyfriend. I want a 남편. Just to be very clear. So if you don't want to be my husband. Don't ever come back.

I'm tired of trying things out. It never works. Now I think the better way is to do things the other way round. Instead of dating and trying out to see if he's the one perfect for you, I rather find a man who would be willing to work things out together to be committed in being better for each other. The latter scenario sounds more sustainable. & it's the only way love can last.

So oppa. If you just want to try things out again. Don't come back. But if you are willing to commit yourself and work things out in the long run, I'd lay down my life & would be the best wife to you, regardless of sunshine or rain, I'd stand by your side.

I'm not sure how it sounds like to you. But all I know is, if it sounds about right, you're the right man for me. If committment sounds too scary and too heavy a word for you, you're not the right one.

Love is only temporary. But, Committment spells forever.

So I won't just imagine. I'd be the person I want to be. A good wife to you, a loving wife to you.

I can only hope that you want to be the same for me.

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Sunday, January 5, 2014

Frog

Hahahahahahahaha 오빠! Look! Hahahahahaha
I laughed so loud when I scrolled to the past pictures again.



& here's your sexy legs. I want to trickle my fingers through your sexy legs again. 오빠 주세요! 주세요! :)


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Because I miss 오빠 too much, so I'm writing again. If I see you again, I'm so gonna bite you to teach you a lesson, to punish you for leaving like that.

Probably I wouldn't do it either. To bite you is to bite myself. To hit you is to hit myself too. Because for every pain you feel I feel it in my heart too.

Maybe I'll just be happy thinking about you suffering then. :) heh.

I saw this couple on the drama playin bowling. Then I remembered that we're supposed to go bowling that night but forgot about it. Sigh.

There's still so many things we haven't done together oppa. Too many things. :(

I miss you.

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Saturday, January 4, 2014

Today is a pretty relaxing day. I pinned myself to bed & watched dramas the entire day. I would very much like to go out. But I'm tired and worn down to the core. & I'm not recovered. Thankfully brother buys my food and drops it in my room. It's the porridge I used to wake up an hour before you to get you a nice and good breakfast from the nearest food centre. It's still funny to me that you insist on orange juice with lots of pulp and coffee. You are so cute like that. Oppa, if we work out again I'll get a coffee machine so I can make you a cup of good coffee every morning.

I'm in bed and missing you. I don't know what to do. This Korean drama "good doctor" is filled with many handsome people but when I think about it, I could only imagine your face. But I feel so helpless that I could only think of you and do nothing. But I had to do something about it. So, I gathered all the pillows at the edge of my bed. I stacked all of them together, and with open arms I hugged all at one go, sinking my head into them as if I were hugging you.

And I don't want to ever let go.
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Friday, January 3, 2014

TT

What a Friday night. But it's a blessing in disguise. I lost 800g already. How fast. Okay. I need to be really skinny soon.

Fever diet FTW. :)








Funny how my hands are still so fat. Hahaha. Oppa here, hold my hand. It's still dry, soft and fluffy. Although for a moment it sounds like I'm advertising for menstrual pads, You'd still love it.

Haha. Dry, soft, fluffy. Hahahah. It still tickles me :p

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Sick

For some reason I'm sick again. I think I'm running a fever. Must be the result of sleeping only 5 hours a day. But Korean dramas keep me awake at night. I just wanted some form of entertainment after working my ass off. It's almost 10 & I'm almost home. I'd just pop some paracetamol pills & hope tomorrow the temperature goes down. My body is burning yet I feel all of the cold in my bones. I am shivering as I walk. My legs are going jelly but I'm still a bus away from home.

During these moments, I want you and don't want you at the same time. I wish you could help me change cold towels at my forehead when it gets hot again. I wish you would hold me in your arms so I won't cry from the heat that is boiling my tear ducts. I feel nauseated. I feel like vomiting as if I drank 10 glasses of beer 9 bottles of soju & probably forced an entire champagne down my throat. But I hadn't had anything today to eat except a mini apple & 5 blobs of cherries. So nothing would come out. It'd help if you would stroke my hair gently to provide some passive comfort since you couldn't heal my physical ailment.

Yet I don't want you near me because I don't want you sick too.

During moments like this & I'm glad you're far far away.

& with all the strength I could muster, a crescent takes its form on my lips as I feel relieved at the idea that you're not with me to catch the fever from me.

:)

Haha. Just wanted to be dramatic with my awesome English. But I'm really sick oppa. :(

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Yawn

Yawn. Morning oppa. I'm so tired. I think something is wrong with me. Why am I so tired everyday.

Cooked this for dinner last night. Not bad for a first attempt. It's so good. I'm preparing how to be a good wife & learn how to cook awesome meals.

There's a Chinese saying that goes if you want to keep a man's heart, start from his stomach first. Haha. It's an old fashioned saying. But some friends tell me it works. Heh!



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