Happy new year!

Oppa. I'm in Malaysia's hotel now.
Here's my view and room!






It's new year there already. I'm so glad you decided to at least update me about how you feel. Hokayyy. I'll let you have your way. I love you oppa. These feelings never changed. Not even with the new year.

Happy new year. Hope you have a blast tonight too!

<3
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Happy New Year's Eve

Wow. I woke up and read my post last night. Looks like I was pretty angry.

Maybe that's what lacking in sleep do to me. Angry Peiru. Heh.

Today is gonna be such a long long day, even though my release is at 2pm.

Happy New Year's Eve oppa.

New year, new beginnings.

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Truth be told

I earned myself a high profile position now. I'm invited to important meetings & private lunches with the bosses. I'm pretty happy with my place now. I've registered for new courses in school. I got everything I wanted. I'm going to Malaysia for a mini staycation with my friends for New Year's Eve countdown party.

I am in a good place & I deserve it all. It's my hardwork paying off.

Yet it doesn't feel complete.

at night, when I walk home alone, the roads always looks further and away than they seem.



I'm pining away and surviving on bouts of hope thrown to me out of pity. I'm like a little puppy awaiting her owner to come back and claim her. Only to be met with a lot of disappointment & the like.

You said before you want to let me know how you're doing. Just not through the phone or any social media. I thought for once you'd rely on the traditional letter. So ever since everyday I'll open the mail box. Sometimes when it's filled, I'm excited, I flip through the stack hoping one of them is sent by you. Then, letter after letter, and then the disappointment is delayed, only to find out that none is addressed to me. Sometimes, like today, the mailbox only had 3 letters. It's easy to sift. Yours isn't there.

So what if I wait until June. What would it prove? I love you. I do. It doesn't have to wait till June to be proven. I can wait. But why do I have to? what's the purpose? What are you searching for?

You're too greedy. You had $50 but you want to go for the hundred. You had the burger but you want the steak. You had an Audi, but you want the Bugatti. You had me, but it wasn't enough for you.

What is it you're trying to achieve?

I think about everything you said. I can always find reasons to believe that you still love me.

But truth be told. You most probably don't anymore.


Remember this corner? I don't even remember what we were quarreling over. But that night you pretty much made up your mind to break up. I begged you to stay. When I thought it was over, I thought my life was pretty much over too. You took me back out of pity. I know it in my bones. You hugged me only because of past feelings that expired on that day. & it still hurts. How can you decide so fast to turn your back on me. How could you decide to not love me in just a matter of hours? Especially when I'm the last person in the world who wouldn't want to hurt you?

For a person who's left alone for a large part of his life, I can't understand why life did that to you. But now, I can't understand what you're doing to your life when it's starting to treat you better.

Maybe I'm too full of myself. Maybe I'm not the only one treating you so well. Maybe you have tons of people treating you the same, or even better than I do. Good for you. I can't give you anything better than this I'm sorry.

I'm sorry you met me.

Oppa. You can save the effort of visiting everyday. It's quite pointless already. It doesn't prove anything. You're free to go. So please don't lie to me that you're coming back.

Why can't you just tell me you won't. So I have a proper reason to let us go? I just wish no matter what people do to me, at least you, of all people, would never ever lie to me.

It's hurting again tonight.

God. Please.

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cravings

I remember how you told me you never had a craving for food, until you came here and you went back to auckland, and realised that you were missing some foods here.

I guess thats the craving we're talking about,

today i had the craving for durians, but i havent exactly recovered from my cough. there's still one thick slab of phlegm i can feel it stuck at the bronchial tubes at the throat. it's disturbing. damn.

I thought only Singaporeans would have a craving for things in only Singapore. I guess I'm wrong. I have a craving for something Auckland, something Korean too. heh.

I don't know what's so irresistable about you. but there's no reason for a craving. you just want it. you just have to have it.

Oppa, how have you been? I know you'd be able to live your life well without me. I've come to terms with that & now, I'm just happy you're happy.

I know you're living life well. but I won't just stop there, because i always just want something better for you. so, oppa, please live better. you deserve everything better.

I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you. but I'll always try harder. (: there's always room for improvement right?

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not easy

i miss you so much. its not fair you're able to find out so much about me with minimal effort while I struggle with not knowing how you're doing now. whether good or bad, i want to know. sometimes I have the urge to just pick up the phone and text you. but I no longer have the courage to do it, because I fear your reaction. So should I be inclined to still think about you or not, i'm not sure anymore.sigh.

it's not easy. if only you'd imagine me in my shoes. if only you'll think about me for once.

you'd realise it's not easy to keep writing like this hoping for the man I love to come back to me.

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errors & the only fangirl left disppointed

reading back at my entries, i realised there are so many mistakes that i've made during my half asleep mode. some sentences i typed didnt even make sense, but i shall not change it. if its not well constructed language, so be it. maybe this reminds me of the flaws of people, and the mistakes people make. i believe as long as i make room for change and forgiveness, everybody can be happy and mark-free again.

yesterday it was a really fun night. this friend of ours has a nickname on instagram. "nokeboi" so HanTiong said that it must have formed years ago when he stood outside of his house, and had no keys to go home, his neighbours must have named him "no key boy", and formed "nokeboi" since. HAHAHAAHHAA.

there are a few mouth slips too against chinese and english. you wont understand. but it's just so funny.

i was damn bad. this guy is bald. i dont know if its by choice or he lost his hair early in his 30s. i didnt dare to ask these questions for you know sometimes it can be quite sensitive. LOL. but i had lunch with him and a girlfriend, xuemin. Not sure if you still remember her, she works in the building as me... i was showing them my new ipad app, i could draw things and type words there. then... i wrote

"이거 오빠 머리 없어요" --->

and held the ipad beside his head. hahahah. :p

thankfully he doesnt understand korean otherwise i'd be in deep trouble. phew... but xue min and i had a good laugh.

and then when i was out with wee ling last night, suddenly i got a text message from Jiamin. she said "oppa liked Wee Ling's photo on instagram"

-_-'''

then she said "he must have missed singapore food a lot". HAHAHAHA.

if you do, please come over and i'll let you have all of your favourites plus everything i haven't let you try. What you tried was not even half of the diversity of food here.

but at the end of the day, my girly emotions took over and wondered, why didnt oppa like my pictures instead :'(

i'm jealous. i am. its the kind of a superstar situation where fans gather round the famous person and those who gets a handshake wouldn't wash their hands for the rest of their lives, and those who didn't would just live in regret that they didn't stretch their hands far out enough or blame themselves for not being there earlier so that they can be closer to the stars.

Wee ling got the handshake. but i don't.

but despite my devoted appreciation, sigh. you're leaving a fangirl in disappointment.

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tired

oppa, you must be tired of hearing me complain about being tired but i cant help it. it's really so tiring. i cant remember the last time i had a full 7 hours of sleep. lately im always sleeping 6 hours or less. then i remembered how i sleep better in your arms. oh. thats feeling. i wonder if from now i can only just feel.

today was such a long day. got to work, after work i had dinner, after dinner i had supper, after supper there was the ice cream. its daniel's birthday yesterday but it was weird to wish him publicly or privately so i didn't. but happy birthday daniel.

and here's the group photo of the day.


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& so this is love.

oppa, I think I grew up a lot during this period of your absence. I think deeper & more rationally. But there's something that probably didn't change. My bones are aching. I think I miss you too much that not only I have a heartache, but also a boneache. HAHAHA.


I miss you. Weather has been cold. The violent draft lifts my little dress up , and my hair gets blown away like those you see in shampoo commercials.I should be pretty like that and I wish you were there to hold me so that I don't get blown away, and to hold me down and shelter me with your sturdy frame and warm embrace.


I miss you. Lets fight life together. It's less lonely that way. & It's only your company I prefer. I don't want anyone else. I like your face, I know I can live with it for the rest of my life. People say you're not handsome, I would tell them this...

 "I can look at him the entire day, everyday, for the rest of my life. Never once did I get tired of it, & I'm prepared to accept the fact that he gets old. Everyone gets old. But there's one thing that I can committ to promise, that even if this face ages, to me, I can choose to remember the past, when it looked younger, but I would always remember the warm hearted, cheeky boy that I first fell in love with, and this face and this man, would the only one that would make me fall in love with over, and over and over, and over again." & so this is love.

iPad mini

Oppa :) I finally got my iPad mini :)) I finally succumbed to temptation & got myself one hahaha :p





Merry Christmas!

I know it's over but I really hoped you enjoyed yourself this festive season. It's better celebrated with me. I'm quite sure, but please make do in my absence.

But this, will be the icing on the cake...

I love you.

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Merry Christmas :)

It pays to be kind & it pays to give. Today it's a very very very busy day.

So many people gave me gifts. These are now sitting on my office table. I so want to eat the Godiva chocolates so I can't to gonna my to office on the 26th.



So the entire day I had to entertain people. Didn't work much :) we could go off at 3pm. But my friend could only go off at 4pm. Different bosses, different treatment heh!

So I went to town for more shopping & ate this.. Butter sales egg pork ribs!! Yum yum!



Merry Christmas oppa. The post office informed me that you've received my parcel. Did you?

Hope you liked it. I sent it to the address you wrote behind my letter. Hope you received and understood the depths of my love for you.

Good night. I'm going to sleep now. :) good night love.
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Did you miss me today? :) I missed you so much oppa. Two days ago, my cousin shuai quan & I were talking about relationships.

All of a sudden, this feeling hit me, & I quickly grabbed his hand& held it. & I went "oh, so this is how holding hand feels like..."

I'm forgetting how it feels like please hold my hand again oppa. It feels so so good.

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Chase the Monday blues away

More present photos. :D I love how the colours are so vibrant. & as long as people are happy, I'm happy too heh!




It's a long day at work. & I need to talk to someone for his poor performance. I'm sorry it's a Monday & I could be spoiling it for you. But what has to be done, has to be done.

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Still trying

Before I sleep, I'm reading this book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". The author highlights the differences in how men and women behave and react in different situations, so it teaches the reader that we should be more aware and understanding when dealing with the opposite sex.

I can imagine your reaction now. Maybe you're skeptical, maybe you're like "what kind of stupid book is this?" Hahaha.

I want to be prepared. Just in case you ever change your mind, I could be a better girlfriend. Maybe I wouldn't throw so many temper anymore. Maybe we can work things out better. Maybe I'll be more careful of what I say to you so you won't feel hurt/affected. I'm not giving up on us yet oppa.

I'm still trying. All that I can to save us.

So please don't give up too.

I'm still here.

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I miss you

Christmas is coming & I miss you. Why won't Santa give me you for Christmas?

I'm just done wrapping presents. Over the weekend I went for a Christmas exchange party. It's so much fun. I'm uploading pictures to Instagram & Facebook soon. You can check it out oppa :)

Sunday, I was too tired to do anything & I had more wrapping to do.










Probably Santa saved the best for the last for me. Maybe next year I'll get something I really want.

I really want you.

"이거 잘생겼어 오빠 주세요" :'(

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Oppa. I can't wake up. I'll blog tomorrow okay? :)) *yawn*


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I'm exchanging Korean with koko.








Peiru: 안녕하세요 !
Koko: 안녕하세요!
Peiru: 저는 Peiru 입니다
Koko: 제 이름은 koko 입니다
Peiru: 만나서 반갑습니다
Koko: 안 좋아해 :/

-_-" how could he.... Pinched his ears! 코코 오늘 진자 나빠! & he looks pretty unhappy now. Hahha




Hahahaha. It's so fun :)

Studies show that people who can entertain themselves are smarter. I must be smart. :/

Hahahah! :)

Then I realized Siri can speak Korean too. I tried her. She's definitely better. Sigh. When can I reach her level?


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wander thoughts

I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing, but I did something today. But its a secret until probably 12 days later.
I'm not sure what I should expect. 

I think I could be allergic to chocolates now. I'm getting better but when I eat, the cough worsens. It worsens like the kind where I'd cough non-stop, and my windpipes contract so much I almost couldnt breathe. or maybe I'm just thinking too much. HAHA. But if I was allergic, then so be it, maybe its a way to make me forget about eating chocolates so my weight would go down more. heh.

in 11 days, it's gonna be three months, and as fast as it seems, it's also slow as hell. especially so when i get some alone time to think about you. You told me, until June, you'd be ready to get me back. I don't really know what it means, because why not now? This is certainly the most confusing thing in the world. But if I just take your words at face value, if in June, I see you again, if, you welcome me genuinely, I probably wouldn't question this "window" period at all, because all I want is just you, and I dont want to spoil it for anything else. This is most ideal a situation. If only we would just live happily ever after.

I'm pretty sure you're my prince charming. All princes are named Edward in some way or another, just like how common "William" is for a prince (:

& you just had to pick my favourite name in the world.

Sigh.

For dinner, I just had a lot of portobello mushrooms. It's too much. I probably wont have mushrooms anymore for the next few months. haha. I ate one that is so huge, its the size of my hands. Scarily big. I put 13 chilli padi into my signature minced garlic and chilli butter portobello mushrooms (that was a mouthful).

All of a sudden, I feel amused, that korea also has chilli. HAHAHA. now that I think about it, i wonder how you survive with all the ketchups in New Zealand. I heard in Europe, chilli is very very rare. I went to New York, and they don't even have chilli sauce in Macdonalds, nor the supermarkets. & their chilli isn't the fruit, when they say chilli it refers to the spicy tomato sauce with minced meat most commonly found in mexican food. I haven't been to New Zealand so I don't know.

How good if I were to go there to experience it myself. But I want to go to New York again too. :/ & we haven't gona to Korea together yet. I promise I won't be such a annoying princess as I was when we went to Phuket. HAHA. I do have a really bad temper I admit. I'd be nicer to you. I'll give you limitless angry-free Peiru pass.

Recently jia min kept craving for sam chon's cooking. She wanted to go there but I was too ashamed to visit him. I mean I can still go there, but I don't know what to say. What if he asks about you, what should I reply? That I didn't treat you well enough and you ran away? Or that I wasn't good enough for you?What if he asks how are you doing, I don't even know how to answer that. Should I even tell him we're no longer together? All these little unforeseeable possibilities, just deters me from going there again. It's best I don't get to see him then. Sigh.

I havent experienced enough things with you. We were supposed to get drunk together. On your last day here, I bought you a bottle of heineken for your lunch. We forgot about it and its still sitting inside my fridge. I would get you some high grade Choya, I know you loved it so much. There's still so much food in Singapore I haven't introduced you yet. You kept eating the taiwanese oyster noodles. HAHA. you're so cute.

just come back to me already. 

Start small

I'm busy packing my orders late at night. I have a couple of buyers now :D I like what I'm doing heh! I just wished I had more stocks to sell ! Hahha.

I wish I can do it big enough so I can quit my job and go into this full time. Wait till I establish my customer base first. :)
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Pricks

I walked past durian shells & the aroma of the yellow squishy fruit not only made me crave for it, but also, it reminded me of how sweet it was to share the fruit together at my dad's place.

As prickly as the fruit is, it sure is harmless. But it pricks my heart, as I'm not even sure when can we eat it together again. It's a kind of life's simplest pleasures, but it's also a kind of hurting memory.

I haven't tried feijoa yet oppa. You ate it without me :( & now, I'm not even sure if I'll ever get to eat it again.

I miss you.

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Good afternoon oppa! :D

My blog shop business seems to be picking up faster hahahaha.

So happy :D

There's even this girl who paid twice the amount, said it's my "tips"!! Hahaha. I literally laughed at that. I just asked her to either get another piece or I'll refund. I must maintain business integrity & leave them all smiling :D

I think I have the business acumen :p

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i remember how its like again

perhaps I've been too busy to even care for myself, I forgot how it feels like to love you.

I've been immersing myself in work, I don't have time for anything at all. When I go to sleep, I just know I think about you. When I wake up, I'd whisper a soft "Godd morning 오빠" as I look out of my window wondering what you're doing. But I feel almost nothing, I'm like a zombie without feelings. Then, I quickly go prepare myself for work.

During these few weeks, I've been thinking why do I not feel anything anymore. Today I finally could slow down my footsteps and think about us again. I think about us everyday, you're my dream man. I cannot bear to call you by your name, because it takes all the intimacy all away. In my heart, when I address you, I'll still remember you as my "honey" or my "darling". And when i think about you again, deeper, and I ransack our past, those tears start to flow again. So I found out, all these while, it's not that I don't love you anymore, It's just that... I just managed to bury my feelings for a little while. When I dig them out, it still hurts as much, and the harder it hits me, the more pain I feel, the more real this love is.

I can't explain how deep I felt for you. You probably won't understand, because you never loved me more than I did for you.Otherwise, you wouldn't leave.

Sunday

My Sunday is lazy. I'm all alone & I refuse to go out. I decided I should rest myself and maybe get something done. I've revived my blog shop & there are some buyers. I'm not sure if I want to take this far because it's a lot of work for very little money, until I manage to make it really on a big scale. The dollars and cents add up, still, I could earn more at work.

But it's okay. Maybe it's worth a try :)

I started on wrapping presents and it's super tedious. Sigh. If you were here I know you'd massage my hands for me :) if you were here I'd feed you chocolates & beer & just lie on the bed with you watching tv and kiss.

Life sounds so perfect like that on a Sunday.

:(

On a happier note, see what I did to my laptop oppa.

From this....



To this!!!






Now I won't struggle when I try to type Korean on my keyboard. I'll memorise it sooner or later. But for now, I want to fill my mind with images of you.

Just because I miss you.

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Christmas

Christmas is coming, and I bought lots & lots of gifts for everyone so everyone feels remembered, whether they are close to me or not. It's to thank my colleagues effort to help me get where I am today, & the friends who stood by my side whenever I need, & as for you, my lover who ran away, what do I do?

I'm not Christian, so this occasion is merely an excuse to celebrate something. If I may have a present from Santa, I only have one wish.

All I want for Christmas is you.

& despite all my generousity, you're the only person in the world I won't share. I wish those words I wrote on your belly was tattooed onto you.

Christmas, please be good to me.

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Shanghai Dolly

Just came back from my ex-company's event at a club. They booked the club till 10 & we had good fun :D





The number of booze is almost as if it was free flow. Every one had too much to drink. Scary.

Thereafter those who still aren't drunk carried on to another bar at Fern & Kiwi. I think it's a bar for New Zealanders. They even scribbled some Mauri on the menu. I'd bring you there if you were here. :)

It was fun. Friday the 13th ain't so bad after all :))

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christmas shopping

went for some christmas shopping today & I bought lots of stuffs for my loved ones. Heh. (:

Was too sick though. I went with xue min to this place where they have lots of ideas for useful gifts and i got some things for myself and friends and colleagues. Thereafter, I had some afternoon tea and went to town to find shuai quan and his girlfriend for dinner. But the dinner wasn't sick people food, so I didn't eat any. I got some light japanese sushi and grilled meat sticks and that's dinner.

I wished I could get some love pills from you too. HAHA. oppa you must be like "WTF are love pills" Must be viagra or something. HAHAHAHA.

tomorrow I guess I'm visiting the chinese doctor. I think it could be more helpful. ):

Quick learner

I think my progress in Korean seems to be too fast. What if you won't find me cute anymore when I can speak fluent Korean? :(

Why am I so smart? Sigh. HAHAHA

오빠! 잘지 내 꿈꿔~ I'm sleeping now :)


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Just good to think about it

Oppa, it's Friday already. Have you planned anything fun? :) but tomorrow's Friday the 13th. I hope superstition doesn't always come true. Anything can happen. Just stay safe. I was supposed to go out with Jia min again. I met her for a quick dinner today :) & she bought me Chinese herbal tea. I'm still coughing.

I think it's waiting for you to soothe it. Maybe it's a emotional scar. If you were here probably I wouldn't cough as much, because I'd rather choke than to wake you up from your sleep, & I'd rather suppress it than to let it disturb you with the noise with me coughing every 5 seconds. On the other hand, I'll probably not let you know so you won't worry for me.

But now, I can only think about having you beside me. I'm sorry to be selfish like that. But I just want you here. Not like it's possible anyway.

It's just nice to think about it. Heh.
& I'm smiling non-stop now. Thinking about your handsome face, manly voice & the comforting arms and body & the really assuring look and the strength of grip of your hands.

Then, my fingers trace the outline of your imaginary face of your disappearing image.

& then you were gone.

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Hmm

I really want to deliver this piece of good news, but I'm not sure how good it is for now. I don't want to be too happy just yet. When it's finalized then maybe I'll share with you. So for now I won't jinx it.

God please help me. :)

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morning!

안녕오빠! :D


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The first one.

I'm not sure what I feel anymore because I feel almost nothing. But, the first thing I think about when I wake up it's still you. The last person I think of until I fall asleep is still you. It must mean something.

I don't know how much I miss you. I just know I do. If we were meant to be together, I just hope we came from the same place, then maybe the separation wouldn't feel so great. I want to meet you again In my next lifetime. Every night, I'd pray that we'd meet in a much simpler circumstance. Perhaps we can be childhood friends, then we grow up to marry each other... Or perhaps we'll just stay as best friends, because that way, I'd never lose you again.

Oppa.
Don't walk away.
Come back.
I'm here.
Where are you going?
Turn back oppa.

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Oppa, today I got off work earlier :) I was feeling tired. So I decided to give myself a day's off. But office is exciting. It's getting more exciting. I can't wait to tell you about it.

:( but where are you.


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Good morning oppa! Today I'm buying my colleagues breakfast so I woke up an hour earlier :) so, last night, I decided to sleep earlier too!

Everyday is like a battle. I've become this full fledged leader. Everyday I handle so many questions from people of so many backgrounds & want to assert their experiences. I'm not sure what kind of leader I want to be. I can go with the flow, accept their ideas and waste time, or suggest my shortcuts to win our project some time. Asserting comes with challenges. Everyday once I step out of my room, it's like a war front all over again. I have mixed feelings about it.

I just wish at the end of the day I can see you. And all my anxieties would be like *poof!* and gone with the wind.

How good it is, to see you at the end of the day, make good fun out of it, throw all our adulthood away and be childlike at night, adult in the day.

You're the still the best ;)

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오빠!

Hahaha. I can't wait to, if I ever have the chance, to show off my Korean to you. Heh :)

Did you have a busy day? I experienced a really busy day. But to end on a good note, my boss left me food & a really sweet note while I was away from my table, & it says this :) My boss is so nice right! :D aww <3



After a long day's work, maybe someday, I'll make you food while you slog outside at work, then you'd come home to yummy home cooked food, still piping hot on the table, with a loving wife almost falling asleep on the sofa. When the keys turn, I'd be awaken by the sounds of the door opening, & run to your sweat stained clothes that I'm running in the washing machine a while later, giving you a hug that transfers your entire day's fatigue, torment and unhappiness all onto me. It's your time of the day to rest now, & how good it is, to come home to someone sweet & comforting?

We could have all of this. Only if you want to...

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Why

Oppa. I'm feeling a little down today. Why are you not here with me. Do you feel this sometimes too?

I hate you for keeping to yourself. Why can't we share the bad? Why do you only want the good? Why can't you understand to live together is to go through the good & bad times together? Why do you leave when we experience the bad?

Why did you leave and never came back?

Why did you leave me alone? Can't you see that I need you?

Are you really happier alone?


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Practicing Korean

Since I've got no activities today, I'm staying home to watch this Korean drama & practice my Korean.

My fav line is still this, I should have sold you away while I can. HAHA. "이거 오빠 얼마에요?"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

오빠 오백 원이에요. Hahahahahahaha.

I'm just joking :)

How would I ever bear to sell you away, when all I want to do is just to keep you by my side.

:'( what are you doing oppa? I think about this the entire day, hoping one day, you'll change your mind.


& I'd still love you.

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Family dinner

I didn't go for the marathon. Wee ling sent me pictures of the glow in the dark event. I should have been there.










But family is always my priority. :) so here I am... 7 crabs for the entire 3 families :D

I love them so much. Oppa. Please come over for Chinese New Year. I so want to bring 삼천 & you over :) it'll be so fun.

:( I missed you oppa.




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It's complicated

Today is steph's birthday.




Then went to dad's place. I was supposed to go for this 5km marathon. It's a special one because they'll spray glow in the dark paint :( but now, my family planned for a big family dinner, they ordered 7 crabs!! :/ so these 3 love of my life asked me not to go for the marathon them. Oh well, it's family over friends. How can I reject my elderlys? Sigh. So it's bye bye illumi run, bye bye friends, & HI FAM! :D


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Health siren

I'm on my way home. It's 10.50 now. I'm so bloody tired. The headache is coming back & I'm developing a fever soon I guess. I knocked out for a little while at work because of the drowsy cough syrup. But I have statistics to produce for my boss. Still I'll keep pushing through. I must put in my best, only then I know if I reap results, I deserve it :)

It's tiring but fulfilling. Now I'm hungry. Should I eat supper? :p

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Swarmed

I'm so busy today. I can't even afford a day's MC. So once I reached the workplace, I went to the docs just to get more medication. So it's 10.30 am.

I had a quick breakfast, and prepared for a meeting at 11.30 to 1.30. Went to get some good & walk around, I barely sat down & relaxed & lunched, I had training from 3 to 4.15. Then I had to attend to queries & reports. It's about 8pm here now & I'm still at work. I'm pretty sick but I'm not alone. Everyone's sick so I won't complain. I'd just work harder and harder. I like working. It takes my mind off things.

But, even as I work, I still remember to miss you. :)

I'm getting back to work. Good night :)

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Wet weather

Oh! Oppa! I saw the weather forecast. It says in Auckland it's 19 degrees and it's rainy weather too! It's 24 degrees here but I'm already almost freezing. It sucks. Maybe I'm weak. Or maybe I just want oppa you to hug me warmer. Maybe my body's designed like that so I can only be completed with you as my other half. I miss your warmth so much.

Where are you? :(


On the other hand, cold weather makes people sicker. So oppa, please take good care of yourself.
I hope Daniel and dong woo and all of your friends are okay too so you won't worry for them. Heh :D


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Tired

I'm still on a cab on the way home. It's 10.30pm here now. Last night I slept only at 4am & I woke at 7.45am. I realized everyday, I'm only having about 4 hours of sleep. My cough still isn't recovering but I just can't sleep at night. It's been raining everyday in Singapore. Every morning I wake up to a icy room. You'll love it here now :) it's our monsoon season. It's colder, but wetter.

This morning, I woke up to two pieces of good news. I'm afraid telling anyone would jinx it. So I shall wait till things get confirmed before telling you :) but if the deals really get through, the happiness I feel would only be second to the happiness of knowing you. Hahaha.

Though I'm tired today, but I'm doing well, just like any other day. I still hold lots of power & responsibilities at work. I just want to do well in everything I can right now, live a principled life & maybe God would be nicer to me & reward me for being a good girl. I secretly wish God would return oppa to me. Yep, it's between god, you & me, so it's still a secret. Shhhh~~ :)


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Ultimate pick up lines

HAHA. Just to share. I wouldn't want you going around testing this though. Don't let me know if you so. HAHA . But I laughed like crazy over this this morning LOL. :)



& I still would laugh about this. It's still the most awesome one ever. HAHAhA. :) Oppa. I want you here right now. So we can laugh together.


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Workaholic

From today onwards, I'll be working from 8.30 to 10pm everyday. The workaholic in me would do this for the future. I believe my hardwork would pay off one day. It's worth the sweat, the effort. No matter what I reap in the end, at least I've done everything I can. I believe my persistent character will pay off one day. With my kind of devotion to everything, in my life, in my love to you, at least I won't look back & be sorry at myself. :)

Today, I was very touched by something. I can't say it out loud yet, for nothing is set in stone. But I sincerely hope for the very best.
Please give me your blessings too :)

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The One.

I missed you like crazy tonight. No point harping on our past. I'm willing to create new memories together. I'm full of hope for a tomorrow with you. I want you very much. I want you. This passion have never died even for a day. Not even when you decided to leave. I believe this devotion for you will last as long as I want to. I can call it off tomorrow, or I can decide to love you for eternity. But no matter how much I can control my feelings, yours is unfortunately out of my reach. Regardless, for now, there's no intention to change anything about my feelings for you.


I will no longer beg for love. You'll come back if you want to. You know your options. I made it clear enough. You'll be the only man in my life.

& when I promised to love only you, I will.

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insomnia

this week i havent slept well. i've slept less than 5 hours everyday. I don't know why i'm missing sleep so much. I just can't sleep. So when I can't sleep, you flood my head with memories of our yesterdays. maybe it's the incessant coughing too. It seems no matter how much hot water I drink the phlegm won't melt away. Maybe the cold outside chills faster than the hot water I intake.

recently I am addicted to this song by Imagine Dragons, Demons. It's as if you're singing to me. Especially the following parts of the song. I feel like you're still there for me to reach out to, yet we are now almost nothing to each other. You don't ask about me & I'm here still blogging for you. I feel like you want to walk away already, but you won't bear to tell me the truth that all is lost. If there really is that feeling inside you that made you walk away, it's probably the demons to me, because they took you away. But oppa, there's nothing to shelter me from, it's the truth I want to hear. Why leave me hanging when you just want to walk away? but don't worry. I'm used to this. I'm used to this life without you. I'm not saying it's a good feeling, but what I cannot do anything about, there's really nothing I can do. I've done everything I can. But what won't kill me, maybe it didn't make me stronger, but it won't kill me again.

my heart feels nothing now, not even when boys made advances toward me. Nobody means anything anymore.

But it's probably nice to share this song for now. Listen to it oppa. It's my current favourite. I put it on repeat at least a hundred times a day. Heh.

"I want to hide the truth
I want to shelter you
But with the beast inside
There's nowhere we can hide
No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide

Don't get too close
It's dark inside
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide"

"They say it's what you make
I say it's up to fate
It's woven in my soul
I need to let you go
Your eyes, they shine so bright
I want to save their light
I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how"