cloudy

It's been a rough week and a lot of things have changed. Some things i rather keep to myself than to share, because I know even sharing would not keep the pent-up frustration at bay. These are things that test my level of maturity and level-headness. I'm not sure if I want to stay a softie. & I'm not sure if I want a confrontation.

Timing is everything. I need to choose a right time to talk about it while in the meantime, I have to bear with this uncertainty. It makes me consider my options, the poorly made decisions that have brought me here this point in time.

I need a God's miracle, and I have people praying for me. Among many other things, I do wish everyone stay healthy in the midst of this hazy weather.

I believe in you.

wished upon a star

I wonder if you still come to my blog to read about how I feel about you. Some part of me hope you still do, because you, hanging onto the first few moments of my documentation of our first meeting in private, is romantic in many ways. It shows how much you cherish and care, its a way of you wanting more of us, just like how every now and then I want to document my feelings for you here. It's a viscious cycle of me, trying to attract your attention toward me, and you reading all these, proves that my efforts are working and is proof of our mutual love for each other in an almost tangible form.

these days we're quite kept apart. We live on minimal comunication. We barely chat with each other everyday. The questions we ask are mundane and ordinary. The questions confine themselves to "Have you had lunch?" and "How's your day?". But I would never stop asking them. They were never boring. Imagine this is the life we will live in when we get together. It's not a chore. It's a kind of basic concern. The only moment when we should worry is when we get bored of asking, because that's the very first clue we're getting sick of each other. I'm fine with our present, although I could never have enough of you. (:

Sometimes I get envious of other couples because I have a boyfriend who cannot be around. But I'll rationalise and think of the possibly glorious future we can have together. I thrive on hope, and I've come to realise it's a very intriguing and mystic force. It can sustain anyone who holds onto it for as long as they would. Sometimes I get weak and I doubt. But from time to time I hope you're stronger and remind me I cannot fail you. I've always been emotionally weak, so please don't walk away when I falter. It's definitely not a sign of infidelity, it's just that that glimmer of hope needs some rejuvenation like how a car needs fuel. I need to believe more. Your smile always manage to work magic.

we are detached. yet I am glad because when I see other couples damaging their love with frequent quarreling and arguments I find content in us that at least we're not going toward that wrong direction. We however, are plagued with maddening bolts of lovesickness. my heart freezes when I see other happy ouples. My heart becomes cold and solitary, wishing so badly you were here. & I sadly draw upon  pathetic but memorable snippets of our past, and praying time and again to let me be with you soon. I would hug my pillow imagining it was you, and sometimes I feel like crying because the loneliness is so hard to bear.

Let us come together soon. I miss you.