5th day

Today's dedication: We can grow old together, only if you want to. We could laugh at each other's wrinkly skin and droopy eyes. We would shout love loudly into each other's ears when we almost couldn't hear properly anymore. We could hold hands forever even in our deathbeds. How beautiful is that. I want that person to be you. & I only want it, only if you want to.

30 September 2013: I looked back at my previous entry. I can't believe I actually am feeling guilty for being so harsh. My mind is telling me to let go. My heart is telling me to hold on and wait. My head and heart felt so heavy the entire day, especially my heart, I felt the weights weighing down on it so hard, I had to take long, deep breaths before I could breathe. and I do this the entire day, breathe harder.

I remembered your scalp. It's summer I hope it doesn't get itchy. Please please remember to scrub your scalp when you shampoo so that dead skin is removed. It also improves blood circulation on that area so that skin doesn't die so fast and doesnt flake off so easily. Okay?

You used to be angry with me and say "You chose to think of us negatively" "you believe in all the negative things about us that's why you're saying this". But Oppa, you're now guilty of the same. You chose to believe that your feelings for me had changed. You chose to believe it's hasn't come back. You chose to believe that if we weren't together things would get better for you. You chose to believe that we were over even though during the weeks that you were here, I never really said for us to be over. That day when you left with your luggage, you thought I was angry and you thought I really didn't want us anymore. Similarly on Thursday, you thought that we were over. I don't deny I have faults in these matters. I acknowledged all my mistakes, my willfulness, my inconsiderate behaviour that made you sad and feel this way. But I apologized and did whatever I can to make it up for you. I put up my apology into action and into words. When you are angry I am willing to pacify you the entire day, no matter how it takes. In the end I realised I'm not the unforgiving one.

It's 12 am here and another day has begun. I will live better and stronger without you. You must get your breakfast too yeah? don't be like the other day, having noodles the entire day. My eyes are folding and I can't be late for work these days. I'll update again tomorrow. Meanwhile please take good care of yourself! (: Good morning to you soon.