keep composure

I don't know what the hell I was doing with my previous post. I was not supposed to regress to my previous state of denial. I must lose all hopes that you'll ever come back. I lost it and then it revives again. It blossoms like the love that remained. I wonder even without your love to fertilise this tree of love, how does it still grow. Why did my parents make me this sentimental and this stubborn in love? Why can't I just be heartless? Jordan said I should stop showing you I'm weak because you love women that are strong. I really wonder what's the meaning of strong. So being able to get up on my feet again after being abandoned by my loved one is strong?

That's not the definition of strong.

Let me tell you what it is. It's the ability to stand firm on what I believe in. I believed in this love and I've made promises to love you. Being strong is about how you continually throw our love away but I stand behind you, pick up pieces of my broken heart and fix it back with love again. It's about how you walk away and I just stand there, under the sunshine or under the rain, wait for you to come back to your senses and give you the hug that you missed for the days that you have gone. Its about how I stand by you silently, forever giving you a quiet support even if you didn't want it, so that any time when you need it I would be there. It's about how I'd cook you meals when you're hungry, be your listening ear when you are down, lend you my now bony shoulders to rest on when you feel tired, hugging you when you feel insecure, kiss you when you feel unloved, forgive you when you make mistakes, watch tv with you when you feel bored, hearing you out when you feel smart and want to flaunt your knowledge, praising you when you did something good, laugh together with you when you feel happy, console you when you need some...

But there's a fine line of difference between being just stupidly foolish, and faithfully in love. I hope when you had enough fun, tell me I should/shouldn't love you. Whether you're worthy of my love or not is my call. But I just want you to be very genuine to your own feelings. Tell me how you really feel.

I hope you managed your mining homework well. I hope your car has been such a beauty people can't wait to buy it from you. I hope you've been eating and doing better than fine, because you deserve everything better. (: