the heaven too far

Haven't really let myself be down like this for a long time.

My life is stringed by a sequence of poorly made choices. Yet, I never found the strength to spring back onto the right track. Normalcy seems so out of reach.

I look at other's lives and I'm ashamed of mine. They were all doing so so good. I definitely do not consider enrolling into unisim and doing my favourite course a honorable phase in my life. I could have done so much more but I wasnt determined enough. Sigh.

I was offered to go overseas to study last year. I was so happy! But my dad's offer came too late. I put in so much effort in my homework and scored so well that i didn't want to just give it all up.

But come to think of it now, I probably should have taken up his offer. I feel as if i've been robbed of an overseas experience I've always wanted. Then again, If I were to go to the US/Aussie, I have so much to give up. & I just couldn't let go.

I really, don't know what to do. I don't know what to make out of my life again. I hope the right opportunity would just come in my favour. & that point of time, I'd seize it. I'll never let it go. Not again.