Bad people everywhere

I met two very terrible people in two days. I must be down on my luck. Today I worked till 11 plus, and I called a cab. I forgot the receipt after I got out of the cab but when I remembered, the cab uncle was still there. But he accelerated when he saw me going after him. Is it a natural reflex to run when someone is chasing? I don't know.

Yesterday I met a kangaroo auntie in the MRT. I'm quite sure she purposely kicked my legs, twice. Maybe she was jealous I'm prettier. I really don't understand why she can't keep her legs to herself. I feel like pulling her hair or rip her legs out from her waist. But I tell myself I must be cultivated and civilized & differentiate myself from these people. Are people too stressed and going crazy? What's wrong with them?

I just know on a day to day basis I'm a pretty happy person. I just can't stand that someone else is going through a bad day & have to find victims like me for them to vent their frustrations. Like really. Why are there people like that?

On the other hand, I've helped a colleague rush her work today & I'm pretty sure I did it quite well. Up to this point of time I'm not sure if earning money or credibility is harder. I don't really get extra money from helping, but I certainly will seem more reliable a worker. & I'm pretty satisfied with my performance. Though there's always room for improvement. Heh.

Oh well. New day new beginnings. Just don't let me meet another terrible person. This week, I pretty much had enough.

On the other hand, my gym is doing me some favour. I feel lighter and stronger & prettier. & on the other hand, I'm thankful we seem to be picking up well.

You're all that matters at the end of the day. I just hope bad people stay out of my way, & out of this world. There's no place for crazy people in my world. Leave me alone.

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Today is a really bad day. I don't even know where to start but I just felt like crying.

I don't know. I wish I could hate you for not being here. But it's too unfair. I'm too angry to think straight. But I must be cultivated and refined at the same time. Tonight I feel fat, unwanted, abandoned and used.

I can't believe people can be this terrible. I really don't know where to start. & where are you....
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I miss you so much

I miss you so much last night I dreamt about you. We were at a bar, then that's all the time we had together. From day till night, I didn't go home, you didn't too. But when it was late at night, when the mall where we were in closes, we couldn't bear to leave each other. But I went off first anyway, because the bartender was chasing me away. Then as I walked away when you didn't notice, you ran after me and hugged me from the back, you asked me not to leave. But we have to part for the day. I think that was the rule in the dream. We could only meet again the next day.

While we were at the traffic lights, where the junction was, we're were waiting for the green man to flicker. You just stood behind me and hugged me tight, as though it was the last night we're gonna spend together. Like how you hugged me in the mrt and made people think I was pregnant and offered me a seat. Remember? It was good times. Our wait at the traffic light seemed so long yet so short. It seemed like we were the only people who existed in the world, as we looked lovingly into each other's eyes, as if if we were to part again, we would never see each other again. Every minute we cherished just in case there was no tomorrow, just in case it was the last night you could hug me this close.

There is a part three. But I shall keep this dream to myself :) it's so bitter sweet, I wished the ending was to have us together for eternity. Unfortunately it was morning already so I don't know what happened to us. Maybe the future is in our hands to decide. & every step I'm taking now are very decisive, aggressive and uncalculated & willful moves to hop into your arms, hoping you are a good bet I can put my last chip on.

Thousands of advices are telling me to not walk into this trap of broken love, that I cannot ever ever go back to a man who broke my heart. Please don't be disheartened, and please don't feel sad about the truth oppa, because I'm courageously taking steps to defy the world, just because I believe in you. & if the entire world turn their backs on me, I only have you to fall back on. Same goes the other way, if the entire world turns their back on you, I'd still believe in you. Our mutual strength is a secret weapon for everything negative in the world. You are my strength & reason to live on. Please allow me to be yours too.

I'm glad we're picking up. But I'm afraid to think too much of it. It's sad that we've become like that. So I'm not sure this positivity can ultimately bear the fruit of my hopes. For the past few months I've held onto the belief that you'll come back. It was an empty bet. & it didn't make it better that you didn't guaranteed anything. I was clutching onto the survival ropes of fear & empty dreams. I was just glad that on the other end, you're still holding onto this rope off the cliff I'm left deserted and forgotten.




Keep holding on. We'll be the happiest people if we just held on. I don't have expectations other than spending my life with you. It doesn't have to be glamorous. We don't have to have money to be rich. My life is richer with you, it's gonna be more than fulfilling. I don't know about you oppa.

I just always prayed you'll feel the same.

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I don't know the situation, but it seemed everytime you had to work for your ex boss, you work longer & harder.

😭

Please get more rest oppa. I wanted to work later today but I couldn't stay awake enough. My friend called me up for dinner so I decided to cut myself some slack and go ahead with dinner. Now I'm just back at 11pm. But I still have some readings to do before school tmr.

I'm working ultra hard now to catch up. I need to excel this semester :D

Good night oppa.

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stripped privilege

in 7 mins time, oppa, you should be awake for work. In the past I'd set my alarm, just to wake you up for school. Now I must resist the urge to call you up, just because I'm stripped of the right to do so.

To be able to be the one to call you up, remind you of the little things in life that matters is a privilege. To me it's the most blissful thing to do for a loved one. Nevermind that you're not doing the same. To me, everything I do for you never seems to be enough, as if my previous lifetime I'm super indebted to you.

I'll try to get over this, though I know I never really can. you're being ridiculous. I want to be in your plan.

why must we wait. 오빠, 왜 나 기다리게 해요? 왜? 뽀뽀 없어요? 뽀뽀 안돼요?


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Good times

Hahah Edward Kim. Look at what you used to send me. These are our first messages with each other. Not cool. But how did I fall in love with you?

























After you left, I checked my phone a thousand times for your reply. My days weren't great without you.

Cheers, Peiru.

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Just for laughs

Oppa. I wonder how's your day. Hope it's good. But if it's bad, I have this pun to share. I saw it on some famous guy Tommy's Instagram.

& he captioned it "cause you're hot and you're cold" -Katy perry



I laughed like crazy. Hope you did too :)

I'm excited today. A little happy, a little over the rainbow.
Work is moving slow but I'm trying to combat this problem. Heh.

I just can't wait to see you.

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I don't know why

Oppa, I don't know why, but tonight, my heart is missing you a thousand times more than the usual.

I really wish in future, instead of typing it out here, I can text you instead. Instead of texting, maybe I can call you instead. And maybe instead of calling, I could tell you face to face instead. And maybe, if I'm luckier, instead of telling it to you face to face, I could whisper into your ears, and if I put my hands on your chest, I'd like it that it'd beat ten, twenty times faster, like it used to be.

I don't know what are we now, even though I asked you about it. But we're nothing like before. This is the first time I ever had to find back the love that's lost. It's like a treasure hunt, only harder than I thought.

You can make it easy for me & for us, why don't you do that now.

Oppa, don't keep neglecting this genuine heart of mine. Because I love you this much...

To me, you're everything. With you, nothing really matter. You don't have to show me the whole of New Zealand for me to love that place. I'd love any place as long as you're there. You don't have to feed me well because to me, you're my lifeline. I'm quite sure I can go without food and water for days, but I've never felt nearer to death than that day you wanted us to break up. You don't have to be the best in the corporate or academic world, because even without these credentials, I still see all the good in you to excel in life. I believe in you, everything that you tell me. I just hope you won't betray this trust & that you never lied to me. You're not born the most handsome man on earth, yet, you look more than just fine. I cannot imagine one day I couldn't see you anymore. & I'm damned sure this face is the only face I want to wake up to in the mornings. I love how your muscle-less hands can still hold my hands so tightly, I love how your body can give me so much warmth. I love how your mini eyes can still show so much emotion to capture my heart, & how your half-formed dimple on your left cheek can illuminate a smile so bright & so genuine my heart melts everytime I see you smile. The half-Korean half-kiwi accent sounds like a well formed melody, so pleasant to my ears, & you're absolutely sweet when you tell me how I shouldn't lose weight because I'm perfect as I am. It's one of the sweetest things a man can ever say to a lady.

You're the sweetest boy ever.

It was my loss to have lost you. You've punished me enough already. It's enough already.


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I'm counting down already

oppa, what was the app that you used for the countdown the other time? I want to download that too, so I can countdown to the day I'm seeing you.

HAHAHAHA. I'm so happy, you wouldn't believe it.

But for now, I have to slog day and night, to reach targets and hold realistic dreams of accomplishing what I've been assigned. Sigh. work is tough. Plus tomorrow is the start of my school. I wish I can cope well between studies and work.

To see you in February is a little tight, but it's okay. For you, I'll speed up my work so I can fully enjoy myself while I'm with you. I'm not bringing my book. It's too heavy. Heh. I can learn my Korean, brush it up before I meet you again. I'm so psyched. I'm so excited.

I'll bring you a surprise. whether you like it or not. I bet you'll like it. hees. I'm very sure you'll like it. But please don't expect anything much. & Don't worry. we don't have a love child. HAHAHAHAHA. Just kidding :p

Oppa. Good night to you.

Thankful

I still feel thankful that you would drop me messages every now and then. It feels like we're coming back. Back then I felt like we're the most legendary couple god ever made. With you by my side I feel most complete, as if nothing else would matter. Oppa don't let go, not even when you feel tired. Because if only you would just hold onto us, we would see the brightest & happiest future.

We've been apart long enough. Let's not waste time together. Because we don't know what's ahead of us, and how long do we have.

We're young enough to be reckless and do irrational things. Let's take the leap now & worry later. Although the worry wart in me always get the better of me, but oppa, you'd know how to handle me.

"Trust me" you'd say. & I'd say "Yes, I do."

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