就算你已经不在我的身边，但光想着你也很奇妙的，是一种独有的幸福。 你总是给我着多种的感动； 令人感到很奇妙， 很欣慰。
这些不是全部， 但是我现在所能想到的：
1. 吵架时， 你总是第一个道歉。 很有风度， 也让我享受了一些小公主的待遇。 很幸福。
2. 当我哭时， 你会变得有点慌， 有点不知所措，有点内疚。 突然什么也不重要了，只担心我的眼泪要怎么停止， 要怎么能再度让我笑。 赶紧给我纸巾， 擦那非常值得掉的眼泪， 以你最温柔的手把眼泪与所有的不快乐全部抹掉。 很幸福。
3. 很任性的， 也不管你想要吃什么， 只顾着想为你做份爱心餐。 不管有多难吃， 多么难咽， 多么的没水准， 你只会不停的加以称赞， 也不会流露任何委屈的表情。 只顾着我的感受， 不让我有丝毫的失望， 咽下了我所有的心意。 很幸福。
4. 我沉睡的时候， 虽然你会很想念我。 但你总会怕把我吵醒，尽管有再多的东西想与我分享， 但也忍住了，耐心的等着我，直到我睡醒后才再一个一个的告诉清醒的我。 你的周到让我万分感动。 很幸福。
5. 一起吃饭的时候， 似乎怕我会挨饿， 怕我不会自己吃， 你会不停的把食物好好的放在汤匙里， 在适当的时候， 往我的嘴巴里喂。 每口都是自造的蜜糖， 很甜蜜。 很幸福。
6. 看见我不开心时， 会问候， 会关心。 会用你那很温暖的拥抱将一切烦恼暂时抛开， 然后加一句 “船到桥头自然直, 别担心了”。 很安慰。 很幸福。
7. 担心着我们的未来时， 你总会说出你对我的承诺， 说给你一点时间， 到时候， 你会好好的， 向我爸爸提亲。 呵呵呵呵呵呵呵呵。 想到能嫁得出去， 尤其是你！ 很幸福。
8. 想到以后的孩子会以韩语叫我一声 “엄마!”。 很幸福。
9. 握着你的手， 似乎拥有你等于拥有了全世界。 很幸福。
10. 你是第一个让我把你的胳毛全拔掉的男人。 到现在我还在想， 你是不是太爱我了？还是被我迷惑的神魂颠倒？ 还是太疼我了， 拿我没办法？不管怎样， 我还是觉得很骄傲。 对不起啦， 很自私的把我的快乐建筑在你的痛苦之上。 但别忘了， 这就是有女朋友与没有女朋友的分别。 很幸福。
11. 当我自卑时， 想尽快把身上的肥肉全部去掉， 你总是安慰我说我并不胖， 还说我很苗条。 我有点自知自明啦， 但你的好意我感到十分感激。 你对我的评价是最重要的， 能听到你这句话， 我的自尊没那么落魄了。有了你的肯定， 很幸福。
12. 叫着我的绰号时，“돼지 고기”， 或 说我很丑时“못생겨서”， 很好笑，有趣， 也很亲密。 很幸福。
13. 跟我说话时， 我能感受到你对我的尊重，态度也会温柔些。很幸福。
14. 会问候我， 关心我是否吃饱了。 很细心， 很贴心。 很幸福。
15. 做功课时的那个认真， 似乎变成了另外个人， 一个能够让我终身依靠的男人。 很幸福。
16. 驾车时的那份帅气与信心， 完全偷了我的心。 很幸福。
17. 说爱我的那幅富有真诚的双眼， 说时很投入， 很认真， 让我听着时没有丝毫疑惑的余地。 很幸福。
18. 对你和我的家人与朋友的好， 很会做人， 很有礼貌， 很成熟。 很难得。 很幸福。
19. 比较喜欢汉堡包的韩国人， 讲英语像个老外的韩国人， 十分有趣， 每当想起或听见都将是我的笑点。 你是我一辈子很奇妙的乐趣， 光是这点会让我笑一千一百万次我也笑不厌。 有你在身边， 很幸福。
20. 你的微笑， 很灿烂， 很耀眼。 光是看着， 也会很幸福。
还有很多很多的话， 一时想说也说不完。 只知道能遇见你， 看着你， 听见你， 都是一种幸福。 爱， 爱死你了。
又想到了几个， let me add on to the list! (:
21. 会把我的床整理的很整齐， 看见了会巴不得想要扑上去睡。 想想以后回到家时， 看见扑好了的床， 会很开心， 很温馨。很幸福。
22.当我笨笨的在洗衣机前， 不知如何用洗衣粉和机器时， 你问我是什么洗衣粉， 就说“这个用两勺就够了” 好专业！ 有家庭主夫的潜质。很幸福。
23. 那天， 我想为你煮饭，你一直想要帮个忙。 开始很不信任你， 但是有感觉忙不过来， 就让你切葱了。 看着你那出神入化 的刀法真让我目瞪口呆！ 早知就让你把所有的葱都切了！ 瞬间觉得你在厨房非常有用处，想到以后可能不必做个那么辛苦的家庭主妇。 很幸福。
24. 不管何时， 你都一直会怕我太辛苦， 总是想办法从我身上7减轻一点负担与压力。 功课繁忙时会带我去看电影松懈一下。煮饭时会帮我准备材料。 吃饭后会把所有的碗给洗了， 叫我去享受轻松一下。 你会把我包包里的东西收拾好， 怕我找不到东西。 让我的生活中少了些负担。 很可靠。 很幸福。
25. 那天煮饭时， 提议了个切蒜头比赛， 看谁能切的比较快。 我耍赖了， 我有压蒜器。 你在那儿很认真地投入的切， 我把蒜头皮削掉后， 放进压蒜器， 3秒就搞好了，假装在努力的切大蒜， 然后说“我切好了！” 你笑着说， “怎么那么快呀？” 也夸我说我很能干。 可是后来， 我发现你早已经知道我耍赖了， 只是想让我高兴所以没揭穿我。 唉！给你发现了， 但还是很高兴， 因为你以我为中心， 就算自己吃亏了也无所谓。很幸福。
跟你在一起， 一想起你， 会不禁的发自内心的笑。 很幸福。
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
鬼迷心窍
在这深深的夜晚， 对着书本看，听着电脑播放的韩剧； 不知不觉， 脑海里浮现出想念你的念头。 金泰， 你今天过得不怎么样吧？ 你的命是那么的坎坷， 那么的孤独。 失去的爱让你的心那么的寒，每当看见你， 虽然脸总是带着那么真诚， 灿烂的笑容。 但不知为何，在微笑的背后， 似乎是在掩饰着心里的空虚。 就因为如此， 我总是想把那被挖空的洞， 以我的爱与呵护， 把它填满。 让你知道， 失去所有并不是世界末日， 因为你还有我； 假如你能知道我对你的爱有多深厚， 你会是这世界上最富有的男人。（：
你说你比较喜欢吃苦的巧克力， 越苦越好， 因为极限的苦味能让你发觉其实与现实生活比起来， 还有更加苦的滋味， 你也会因而感到安慰一些。 你这不合逻辑的思维有些莫名其妙， 但也不是个不合理想法。 你这奇怪的自我疗法如果能让你好过一些，也倒不如不是办法， 但看着你那么的独立， 那么的试着坚强， 我的心不禁的为你流眼泪。
我们的相遇似乎是上天的安排， 让我遇见现在还很可怜的你， 让我来照顾你， 爱护你。 奇妙的是， 知道你的处境并没有将我吓跑。 了解你的情况只让我更加要陪在你的身边，度过这些折腾的波折。并且， 你的存在让我在度感受到真正爱着一个人的感觉， 恢复了那沉睡多年， 寒冷的心； 再次为个重要的人而复活，再次能感受到它 “扑通，扑通” 的跳 - 那奇妙，爱人的感觉是绝无仅有的享受！
谢谢你塌进了我的世界。 谢谢你让我死去的心复活。 谢谢你每次对我的温柔， 疼爱， 细心， 温暖 和种种种种的好。 金泰， 你是上天赐给我的礼物， 请别忘了你的重要。 别人对你的无视并不重要， 最重要的是能认清自己的价值， 别把自己的贵重放在他人的镜子里。 就算你非得那么做， 倒不如把你自己放在我的镜子里吧， 因为我看见的你， 永远是那么的值得重视， 让人骄傲， 有责任感， 对他人会尊重合你全部的好， 都会一一的反映在我的眼前。
可能是鬼迷心窍了， 可能是爱得太深了。 但都无所谓， 因为， 这就是爱。
你说你比较喜欢吃苦的巧克力， 越苦越好， 因为极限的苦味能让你发觉其实与现实生活比起来， 还有更加苦的滋味， 你也会因而感到安慰一些。 你这不合逻辑的思维有些莫名其妙， 但也不是个不合理想法。 你这奇怪的自我疗法如果能让你好过一些，也倒不如不是办法， 但看着你那么的独立， 那么的试着坚强， 我的心不禁的为你流眼泪。
我们的相遇似乎是上天的安排， 让我遇见现在还很可怜的你， 让我来照顾你， 爱护你。 奇妙的是， 知道你的处境并没有将我吓跑。 了解你的情况只让我更加要陪在你的身边，度过这些折腾的波折。并且， 你的存在让我在度感受到真正爱着一个人的感觉， 恢复了那沉睡多年， 寒冷的心； 再次为个重要的人而复活，再次能感受到它 “扑通，扑通” 的跳 - 那奇妙，爱人的感觉是绝无仅有的享受！
谢谢你塌进了我的世界。 谢谢你让我死去的心复活。 谢谢你每次对我的温柔， 疼爱， 细心， 温暖 和种种种种的好。 金泰， 你是上天赐给我的礼物， 请别忘了你的重要。 别人对你的无视并不重要， 最重要的是能认清自己的价值， 别把自己的贵重放在他人的镜子里。 就算你非得那么做， 倒不如把你自己放在我的镜子里吧， 因为我看见的你， 永远是那么的值得重视， 让人骄傲， 有责任感， 对他人会尊重合你全部的好， 都会一一的反映在我的眼前。
可能是鬼迷心窍了， 可能是爱得太深了。 但都无所谓， 因为， 这就是爱。
Saturday, April 27, 2013
this life
오빠! where have you been! why have you gone missing again!!! I miss you so so much!
to be continued....
to be continued....
Monday, April 15, 2013
if only & only if
Inside my head were contesting thoughts, between speaking to you the entire day and doing my homework instead. If only I weren't studying, if only you were here. If only we could forward time, if only you could stay. All of these "only ifs" just kept flooding my mind. If only we weren't separated by so many things... but our happening was all the more magical and romantic this way. we're both of different nationalities and different backgrounds. What brought us together can only be by the stroke of luck and fate when cupid hit us right. This probably is the only time I don't have the urge to commit celestial crime by throwing the arrow back at him, because he did good. Even so, only if he did so earlier, we would have not wasted so much time.
Regardless, I'm thankful and I feel so blessed to have you in my life. Only if we could just earn enough to get by. if only life were that simple. When we finally come together, please just know that I want to spend each and every single day as if it was going to be the last day of our lives to make up for what we're not getting right now. Every day is a accumulation of interest of our lost time and love, & we have so much to catch up on. I just hope you and I are thinking in the same frequency, that we would treasure and love each other all the more when we get reunited again. This love didnt come by easy & I just hope we'll stand against the test of time.
But right now, only if you were here. would you hug me & stay up with me until I finish my homework? (:
Regardless, I'm thankful and I feel so blessed to have you in my life. Only if we could just earn enough to get by. if only life were that simple. When we finally come together, please just know that I want to spend each and every single day as if it was going to be the last day of our lives to make up for what we're not getting right now. Every day is a accumulation of interest of our lost time and love, & we have so much to catch up on. I just hope you and I are thinking in the same frequency, that we would treasure and love each other all the more when we get reunited again. This love didnt come by easy & I just hope we'll stand against the test of time.
But right now, only if you were here. would you hug me & stay up with me until I finish my homework? (:
Friday, April 12, 2013
inadequate
today, you didn't bother saying "i love you" before we hung up. I must have done something wrong. I feel inadequate, like the most useless girlfriend in the entire world. & i can't live with this.
可能是我太敏感了。 但我的心碎了。这是童话的中止，眼泪的开始。
可能是我太敏感了。 但我的心碎了。这是童话的中止，眼泪的开始。
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Grateful
it's one of those days I'm left alone in the room, & I look both in retrospect and introspect of the pasts and current affairs, of the things I've experienced & the people who stopped and go, & of the people who never intended to stay & the people who probably left for good. After doing the rationalising, I realised I only needed to thank for all the people who remained.
I'm not naming anyone, because anyone who reads this entry would know who you are. & please know that I'm deeply grateful & thankful, given my passivity, for some, in your lives, I can only apologize for my unintended nonchalance and want to strive harder to be a better friend/family/lover to you, and to keep whatever is left of my social life. Friends can always be made, but the fact that those who still hung around, who didn't judge, who didn't leave despite everything, meant a lot to me.
These sentiments extends to ....
greatest man in my life. doubles up as the two main figures a family should have. you may have lost everything but you still have me. I don't see how I have the ability to earn even a tenth of what you gave me, you may not be perfect, but you've given everything you can, and even zerorized your account when I needed the money and provided the ways and means in the most unimaginable ways. I can't buy you a horse, a mercedes, a bigger house, everything you lost.. but its just, not yet. I will strive towards that direction, to restore the glam, the pride, the success you've lost to the morally bankrupt who robbed our home & innocence. Karma will get to them. While I habour this irresolvable hate towards those people you once called friends, I'm glad my heart is still big and sober enough, to differentiate between the rights and wrongs, & to accomodate so much love I could share enough to make people around me feel comfort & at peace. I've grown up right but i'm still short of something you can be proud of. Please give me some time to straighten it up. Meanwhile, know that I love you most.
my bffs. you stood by me and walked me through countless punishments in class, breakups and get together with boys, I share every little secret with you & aspects of my private family life. thank you for not walking away when I burden you with my troubles of my everyday life, opening up your home to me & treating me like family, taking me in and allowed me to hang around during the lowest points of my life when I didn't want to be alone. I've spent most of my social life with you & I am always very proud of your achievements like a hopeful mother. i enjoy every moment of our conversations, no matter how mundane, no matter how bitchy, & time never seemed to be enough during our come-togethers. the only regret about us is that I wished we met earlier, & please forgive me if I ever was lesser than a good friend to you. the amount of thank you I would be able to say in my following years, until the day I can't speak, would definitely be dedicated to you.
the people who stayed. old friends whom strayed and came back. old friends where we were once so close & hit off so well, but somehow circumstances changed. We drifted apart and back together again. Now I just have to ensure this time, I'll tie our boat to the pier so our friendship doesn't have to wander off again and again. You are a precious lot because your efforts to rekindle puts me to shame, and you are living reminder of how careless and stupid it was of me to have not tried harder. People comes up with lots of philosophies about maintaining a relationship. They say those that you have to try too hard to keep are those you won't need. Those who does not reciprocate feelings are those who probably undeserving of your friendship. I sucked as a friend & I know. But the fact that you came back, initiate those talks, taking an interest in my boring life is a very touching gesture which I deeply appreciate. I thank you for overlooking my flaws & my time mismanagement that I failed to slot in more time for you. I'm more than thankful for your efforts in trying to sustain this friendship & trust me, when it comes to people I treasure, you don't get placed on a continuum of priority against the others who matter, because you're equally dear in my heart. I love the melancholy, the recalling of the past, the chemistry we once shared, the nostalgia you always bring, to remind me what I was & you make up my past to make me more complete as a being. All the more when you taught me what's lost can always be retrieved, though not in its entirety. But you represent a sentiment of hope & this is the kind of impact old friends make. Probably I should change the semantics & stop calling you old friend because now, we have an irreplacable bond and friendship that's ongoing. I can never be grateful enough for your coming back & know that you have a very special place in my heart.
my boyfriend. the one I swore not to have for the next few months and next few years but somehow, you just happened. I'm still laughing at the way we met & how we started. Everything seemed so dramatic & yet everyday in so many ways. I'm still surprised at this unplanned relationship we developed & many a time, I still feel like its a dream because of the uncertainties of life that I've experienced so much of. I still wonder what is it about you I've fallen for, but its the sort of mystical truths I probably never would be able to decipher. But it doesnt keep me from wondering, because of my immense curiousity at the enigma you are, the mysterious aura you give me draws me deeper and deeper into you. You're like the black hole scientists never knew what it represents, and can only formulate their hypothesis that can never be proven beyond the unknown. You're all the more distant given that we don't have the luxury of being in close proximity since you live continents and oceans away. But somehow there's this unexplainable phenomena that makes me want to be the best for you, love you, & be there for you. It helps that whenever I express my unconditional love for you, you reciprocate these feelings in the most unbelievably captivating fashion. The words you say comes out with so much sincerity, charm & a hint of gentleness that envelopes me with comfort, like I can absolutely believe & entrust my life to you. I feel very comfortable with you because you make me feel like I have nothing to worry about whenever I'm in your embrace. Everything feels so safe to the extent that it felt as if as long as I'm with you, god would put off his plans even if there was a disaster coming our way. It's all the more astonishing that even a simple gesture from you makes everything feel right. When you hold my hands, I feel like you'll lead me to a direction in life, when you peck my forehead with a little kiss it takes away all the pain and torturous moments in an instant, when you praise me it felt like I'm the most perfect girl in the world & boosts my confidence, when you look at me intently I feel like I'm invincible, like I can do no wrong & so prized a posession which fills me with happiness so intense I want to grab every single pedestrian on the road to share my brimming joy. you make me want to establish a family, a dream that I've repressed from witnessing broken families and from one myself. You restored some kind of hope & the filled my hollowed heart of lost dreams, faith & people who mattered but left. I really wish we will turn out right & so please, tell me only that you'll do this for me & put aside all your negative thoughts and possibility of failure to materialise these for me. You are my future & I hope I didn't ask for a lot, because all I asked for is a committment that will only let us gain happiness in our lives. I smile to myself at the thought of you, that just thinking about you makes me happy. A love that is this innocent is something I don't want to let it fade away. I want to know if you feel the same. I still have tonnes to tell you but, I know I can never finish telling you how grateful I am about your appearance in my life. & if whatever I write isn't enough to satisfy your desire to know how i feel, I'm willing to devote my remaining time until you understand what you actually mean to me. You'll probably understand the idea of it, but you'll never know the extent because my feelings I presume, would stretch till the end of time that even I wouldnt have enough time on earth, to live to the day I can measure the limit of the love I habour towards you.
To all the special people I love, thank you, again.
I'm not naming anyone, because anyone who reads this entry would know who you are. & please know that I'm deeply grateful & thankful, given my passivity, for some, in your lives, I can only apologize for my unintended nonchalance and want to strive harder to be a better friend/family/lover to you, and to keep whatever is left of my social life. Friends can always be made, but the fact that those who still hung around, who didn't judge, who didn't leave despite everything, meant a lot to me.
These sentiments extends to ....
greatest man in my life. doubles up as the two main figures a family should have. you may have lost everything but you still have me. I don't see how I have the ability to earn even a tenth of what you gave me, you may not be perfect, but you've given everything you can, and even zerorized your account when I needed the money and provided the ways and means in the most unimaginable ways. I can't buy you a horse, a mercedes, a bigger house, everything you lost.. but its just, not yet. I will strive towards that direction, to restore the glam, the pride, the success you've lost to the morally bankrupt who robbed our home & innocence. Karma will get to them. While I habour this irresolvable hate towards those people you once called friends, I'm glad my heart is still big and sober enough, to differentiate between the rights and wrongs, & to accomodate so much love I could share enough to make people around me feel comfort & at peace. I've grown up right but i'm still short of something you can be proud of. Please give me some time to straighten it up. Meanwhile, know that I love you most.
my bffs. you stood by me and walked me through countless punishments in class, breakups and get together with boys, I share every little secret with you & aspects of my private family life. thank you for not walking away when I burden you with my troubles of my everyday life, opening up your home to me & treating me like family, taking me in and allowed me to hang around during the lowest points of my life when I didn't want to be alone. I've spent most of my social life with you & I am always very proud of your achievements like a hopeful mother. i enjoy every moment of our conversations, no matter how mundane, no matter how bitchy, & time never seemed to be enough during our come-togethers. the only regret about us is that I wished we met earlier, & please forgive me if I ever was lesser than a good friend to you. the amount of thank you I would be able to say in my following years, until the day I can't speak, would definitely be dedicated to you.
the people who stayed. old friends whom strayed and came back. old friends where we were once so close & hit off so well, but somehow circumstances changed. We drifted apart and back together again. Now I just have to ensure this time, I'll tie our boat to the pier so our friendship doesn't have to wander off again and again. You are a precious lot because your efforts to rekindle puts me to shame, and you are living reminder of how careless and stupid it was of me to have not tried harder. People comes up with lots of philosophies about maintaining a relationship. They say those that you have to try too hard to keep are those you won't need. Those who does not reciprocate feelings are those who probably undeserving of your friendship. I sucked as a friend & I know. But the fact that you came back, initiate those talks, taking an interest in my boring life is a very touching gesture which I deeply appreciate. I thank you for overlooking my flaws & my time mismanagement that I failed to slot in more time for you. I'm more than thankful for your efforts in trying to sustain this friendship & trust me, when it comes to people I treasure, you don't get placed on a continuum of priority against the others who matter, because you're equally dear in my heart. I love the melancholy, the recalling of the past, the chemistry we once shared, the nostalgia you always bring, to remind me what I was & you make up my past to make me more complete as a being. All the more when you taught me what's lost can always be retrieved, though not in its entirety. But you represent a sentiment of hope & this is the kind of impact old friends make. Probably I should change the semantics & stop calling you old friend because now, we have an irreplacable bond and friendship that's ongoing. I can never be grateful enough for your coming back & know that you have a very special place in my heart.
my boyfriend. the one I swore not to have for the next few months and next few years but somehow, you just happened. I'm still laughing at the way we met & how we started. Everything seemed so dramatic & yet everyday in so many ways. I'm still surprised at this unplanned relationship we developed & many a time, I still feel like its a dream because of the uncertainties of life that I've experienced so much of. I still wonder what is it about you I've fallen for, but its the sort of mystical truths I probably never would be able to decipher. But it doesnt keep me from wondering, because of my immense curiousity at the enigma you are, the mysterious aura you give me draws me deeper and deeper into you. You're like the black hole scientists never knew what it represents, and can only formulate their hypothesis that can never be proven beyond the unknown. You're all the more distant given that we don't have the luxury of being in close proximity since you live continents and oceans away. But somehow there's this unexplainable phenomena that makes me want to be the best for you, love you, & be there for you. It helps that whenever I express my unconditional love for you, you reciprocate these feelings in the most unbelievably captivating fashion. The words you say comes out with so much sincerity, charm & a hint of gentleness that envelopes me with comfort, like I can absolutely believe & entrust my life to you. I feel very comfortable with you because you make me feel like I have nothing to worry about whenever I'm in your embrace. Everything feels so safe to the extent that it felt as if as long as I'm with you, god would put off his plans even if there was a disaster coming our way. It's all the more astonishing that even a simple gesture from you makes everything feel right. When you hold my hands, I feel like you'll lead me to a direction in life, when you peck my forehead with a little kiss it takes away all the pain and torturous moments in an instant, when you praise me it felt like I'm the most perfect girl in the world & boosts my confidence, when you look at me intently I feel like I'm invincible, like I can do no wrong & so prized a posession which fills me with happiness so intense I want to grab every single pedestrian on the road to share my brimming joy. you make me want to establish a family, a dream that I've repressed from witnessing broken families and from one myself. You restored some kind of hope & the filled my hollowed heart of lost dreams, faith & people who mattered but left. I really wish we will turn out right & so please, tell me only that you'll do this for me & put aside all your negative thoughts and possibility of failure to materialise these for me. You are my future & I hope I didn't ask for a lot, because all I asked for is a committment that will only let us gain happiness in our lives. I smile to myself at the thought of you, that just thinking about you makes me happy. A love that is this innocent is something I don't want to let it fade away. I want to know if you feel the same. I still have tonnes to tell you but, I know I can never finish telling you how grateful I am about your appearance in my life. & if whatever I write isn't enough to satisfy your desire to know how i feel, I'm willing to devote my remaining time until you understand what you actually mean to me. You'll probably understand the idea of it, but you'll never know the extent because my feelings I presume, would stretch till the end of time that even I wouldnt have enough time on earth, to live to the day I can measure the limit of the love I habour towards you.
To all the special people I love, thank you, again.
Monday, April 8, 2013
the subtle difference
somehow, its not the same. this lack of communication is keeping us apart. & ironically, it's always been this way considering that we live so far away. what we have is unusual, and the occasional bouts of doubt come and go. what could sustain us? what could glue us together infintely? I'm not sure. But one thing I'm sure of, is that as long as we want to keep our hands in the pie, we'll always get a share of it.
I'm sorry that because we've not been talking lately, or that you've been keeping all these private problems of your own to yourself, devastates me. I know even if you were to tell me, I wouldn't be of any help. But I just wished I could share at least some of your emotional burden. You've got too much on your plate & I'm practically useless. But let me fulfil my duties as a girlfriend when you come over. I'll make sure at least while you're with me, you have nothing to worry about. I'm sorry that in the meantime, you'll have to deal with everything by your own, but I swear, if you need to talk about anything, or just need a listening ear, I'll be there.
It'll always be different, things will always change. But my heart, will always remain the same.
I'm sorry that because we've not been talking lately, or that you've been keeping all these private problems of your own to yourself, devastates me. I know even if you were to tell me, I wouldn't be of any help. But I just wished I could share at least some of your emotional burden. You've got too much on your plate & I'm practically useless. But let me fulfil my duties as a girlfriend when you come over. I'll make sure at least while you're with me, you have nothing to worry about. I'm sorry that in the meantime, you'll have to deal with everything by your own, but I swear, if you need to talk about anything, or just need a listening ear, I'll be there.
It'll always be different, things will always change. But my heart, will always remain the same.
Friday, April 5, 2013
暴躁
有时候觉得很幸福， 有时候又因为一些琐碎的事而感到忧愁。 也许是你的冷落造成的感触， 也许是我的脾气有些暴躁。无论如何， 以为会让我感到最安慰的你，却似乎无法在适当的时候给我一个能诉苦的通道。 我很想把这些消极的想法化成怒， 发泄在你的身上， 但想了想， 我有许多的顾虑。 害怕发泄的当时， 无意中会伤害到你； 而你， 是我这一生中最不想伤害的人。
我的烦恼也不会就此烟消云散。 我虽然还不知道要怎么让你对比较细心一点 -- 我是应该告诉你的 -- 但又不想把我的负担安置在你的身上。你是多么的开朗， 永远都带着的那个迷人的笑容，我无法成为把那灿烂的微笑抹掉的凶手。 我忍住了。 但请给我一点时间，
我很想哭， 我想一个人静一静。
我的烦恼也不会就此烟消云散。 我虽然还不知道要怎么让你对比较细心一点 -- 我是应该告诉你的 -- 但又不想把我的负担安置在你的身上。你是多么的开朗， 永远都带着的那个迷人的笑容，我无法成为把那灿烂的微笑抹掉的凶手。 我忍住了。 但请给我一点时间，
我很想哭， 我想一个人静一静。
Thursday, April 4, 2013
restricted access
while techonology advances exponentially, the restriction with internet usage gets increasingly ridiculous. So I hear from you that home internet in Auckland goes by data usage plans. Singapore goes by speed. So while I have unlimited access to internet, sadly, we still won't be able to see each other everyday. That's by far the most depressing news of the year.
Thank god for school wifi though. Despite the unreliable connection you're getting, I won't complain as long as it serves its purpose, or even if just half of it.
Today you sounded more caucasian than you normally would. & then I imagined your face while you speak. It sent me laughing like crazy because that accent and that face are the most hilarious combination I ever encountered in my entire life. & it is as charming as it is funny. After 15 mins. I'm pretty sure its still funny. HAHAHAHAHAHA
I'm dying from your cuteness. I want to pinch your cheeks, peck a kiss on your face & tell you I love you.
17 more days. Till then, you'd be missed. Very dearly.
Thank god for school wifi though. Despite the unreliable connection you're getting, I won't complain as long as it serves its purpose, or even if just half of it.
Today you sounded more caucasian than you normally would. & then I imagined your face while you speak. It sent me laughing like crazy because that accent and that face are the most hilarious combination I ever encountered in my entire life. & it is as charming as it is funny. After 15 mins. I'm pretty sure its still funny. HAHAHAHAHAHA
I'm dying from your cuteness. I want to pinch your cheeks, peck a kiss on your face & tell you I love you.
17 more days. Till then, you'd be missed. Very dearly.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
raped the replay button
It occured to me we have so little in common. When we see each other, all we could talk about was only our boring school life and the monotonous, cyclical routine that we go through every single day. Sometimes we get a little bonus when something in our lives got screwed up so we could share our anger whenever our choleric inclination starts to kick in while we whine away with immense acrimony. Or, the occassional little anecdotes worthy of sharing. Then again, the appeal thins as the banality of it all colours our conversation duller.
It's either we know each other too well, that we've rummaged through each of our histories and become poor of topics to talk about, or that we don't know each other well enough to produce enough conversational fodder. I think we perhaps haven't created enough histories of our own. Unlike couples who've gone through more, they could ruminate their pasts and laugh back at their own folly or comical, farcical moments. I guess we'll have to spend more time together.
If there's anything to worry about, I'm afraid these sessions of trite, stale Skyping with each other will render you bored with me. What if you lose interest? What if the dullness of it all motivates your apathy and nonchalance? I'm not sure if I'm sensitive but this situation could be realised sooner than I thought.
Then again, when we run out of words to say, I could just look at you. I didn't mind just looking at you not talking. This face, I could never get tired of it. This face, I'm certain, I want to wake up to that every single day. & the more I look at you, the more convinced I get.
I don't know how you feel about all these, but as far as I am concerned, whenever I Skype with you, I totally am overwhelmed by this sense of fulfillment, as if my lifetime search for the perfect companion can stop just right here. I'm euphoric, and it sends me spasms of bliss, plasters a permanent smile on my face and it keeps the butterfiles alive in my body, which tickles me whenever you utter sweet nothings, korean & that cute boy look you always carry.... It just, fills me with love, where despite my poor memory, I'd try very hard to remember those images, replay it in my mind repetitvely, so that I could relish in the pool of affection that sweeps over me repeatedly, until.....
I've never stopped replaying it.
It's either we know each other too well, that we've rummaged through each of our histories and become poor of topics to talk about, or that we don't know each other well enough to produce enough conversational fodder. I think we perhaps haven't created enough histories of our own. Unlike couples who've gone through more, they could ruminate their pasts and laugh back at their own folly or comical, farcical moments. I guess we'll have to spend more time together.
If there's anything to worry about, I'm afraid these sessions of trite, stale Skyping with each other will render you bored with me. What if you lose interest? What if the dullness of it all motivates your apathy and nonchalance? I'm not sure if I'm sensitive but this situation could be realised sooner than I thought.
Then again, when we run out of words to say, I could just look at you. I didn't mind just looking at you not talking. This face, I could never get tired of it. This face, I'm certain, I want to wake up to that every single day. & the more I look at you, the more convinced I get.
I don't know how you feel about all these, but as far as I am concerned, whenever I Skype with you, I totally am overwhelmed by this sense of fulfillment, as if my lifetime search for the perfect companion can stop just right here. I'm euphoric, and it sends me spasms of bliss, plasters a permanent smile on my face and it keeps the butterfiles alive in my body, which tickles me whenever you utter sweet nothings, korean & that cute boy look you always carry.... It just, fills me with love, where despite my poor memory, I'd try very hard to remember those images, replay it in my mind repetitvely, so that I could relish in the pool of affection that sweeps over me repeatedly, until.....
I've never stopped replaying it.
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