Weep

I cry too easily. I'm still recovering. Every single minute that passes is like god is simultaneously rubbing salt on my wound, yet ironically the very action of it has an antiseptic function. So am I healing or not? I'm not sure. I just know every breath I take is living reminder of every loss and every gain I've experienced in my life.

Today I woke up in emptiness. Again. It's a familiar feeling I have to get used to from now. In fact, since a very long time ago. A friend brought me to the doctor but I have to come home alone. I got lunch & I enjoyed it over my show, as per normal. Yet somehow, I cried in the middle of it. I was probably mildly touched by the scenes of it.

And then in the shower, for no particular reason, I cried again.

And then, at night, tears flowed again.

Im not thinking of anything at all. So I'm not sure if it's you. I wished there's a switch to my emotions. Off & poof. & there it's gone. Poof!

I wished it were that easy. But then again, who would love anyone heartless. Having a heart is what makes me who I am. I have an intense capability to feel for someone & for anything for that matter. That's also why I repay gratitude in two folds. That's also why when I love, I love unconditionally & blindly. If no one can appreciate me like that. They don't deserve me. But for those who appreciate, like kaiwei, like jiamin, like Ashika. & many others, they'd be in for a lifetime friendship where I'll unconditionally be forever kind and giving to them.

I'm thankful & I feel blessed. My dad taught me well. & I'm glad I have the most loving father who taught me the value of giving & loving.

Still, the eye tap just won't stop flowing. Why.

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