refocus

Being alone in the room studying isn't any good. Sometimes when the mind wanders, involuntarily I sink into another bout of self reproach. In some ways I am at fault. & the fact that I'm now alone makes me really think about the unfolding of events. How and what I did changed things. Now, it didn't matter who was in the wrong. But it mattered that I hadn't apologized enough. I don't want to think about "if given another chance, would I have done the same?" I must be in the wrong for you to leave. no doubt about that, because if I were so good, why the circumstances now?

This breakup humbles me. I'm not that good a girl. not that good a girlfriend. & it makes me wonder, if I already done my best, what is better to you? As time shaves my frozen heart away, as time erodes my dying faith, I would still pine & yearn, about the better times we could have had & the day you went away.

These few days I thought I've healed. I haven't. It's coming 2 months in 13 days. Why do I want to be so stubborn still, to think you're the only one.

I'm a hopeless romantic. If we're still together, I'd tell you this.

 "I hope you don't mind you weren't my first. But, please be my last love."