Tired

Time and again, I succumb to the human condition named "fatigue" however, more often than not, I experience fatigue not only physically, but more of it in the mind. I'm tired of studying. I don't know why I'm studying. From a very long time ago I have very different perspectives of studying and the grades I get. The academic environment I grew up in only honor A grades and nothing else. So I strive for only the best & even getting A- I cringe at the prospect of the possibility of getting the next best grade, B+.

I'm strained. By self and society's expectation of me. As much as I believe in my abilities, the only way to tell people about it is through a formal channel of quantification. To measure one's intelligence is to show such genius through the grades we obtain. It's the easiest form of quantification of the brain. Then again, how far does it benefit us? When the degree I get is only a stepping stone into the a world where only the fittest survive. Grades isn't enough. You need to be sly and tough. It is still possible to succeed through ethical means though. Then again, some people care more about reaching the peak than the climb.

For now, I just want to quickly finish my studies so I can focus on my career so it can bring me closer to you, my love. Yet I'm losing focus because the allure of being close to you is so much more appealing. Yet studies is the only impediment between us. No, I mustn't take it that way. Sigh.

I'm tired and tired of studying. I want to work and slog down to my bones so I have all the ability on the world to situate myself anywhere in the world. Including being just beside you.

I trust I can do it. For now, I just need more focus. Oppa. I love you. I can do this.

As for my momentary weakness for taking MC for just a day, I'm still considering. I wish I was stronger. But I'm not :( I'm sorry I'm not.



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