Not settled

For two nights in a row I'm having nightmares. There's something ill boding about it. First I'm having an adventurous night, I cycled inside sch premises, down flights of stairs, escape from school authorities & was reported in newspapers missing a few days after. Today's nightmare, I went missing in a supermarket when I went grocery shopping with my bunch of friends but they found me after and we saw amusing things like a super big cup noodle for 9 people. Pretty cute but I still woke up in shock.

But I didn't exactly wake up to something good. I posted a really cute picture of you. But you asked me to take it down. I feel bad. Like really terrible. It's the kind of feeling where I'm so guilty I don't mind being sent to jail and do my due time. It's like I did something really wrong. I apologize. But there's nothing I could do to reverse it. But, just know that I'm sorry.

So today I finally woke up. It feels empty. Everyday it's gonna feel like that without you by my side. When I came back, I kept eating, as if to fill up the void within me. The moment I had to leave my emotions are pretty hollowed out. I don't quite know how you feel or deal with our separation. Maybe thinking that we'll meet very soon again is the ultimate trick. It's filled with positivity. But we still know tomorrow's gonna be another day without you.

I'm happy for you that you're dealing with life pretty good alone. I'm jealous. It makes me feel a little unwanted though. That you'll be able to survive well without me anyhow. But from the start I know you're this person, a really strong guy with a strong determination to live on no matter how hard life hits down on you.

You put me to shame. But I'm not afraid to admit I am not that strong. I'm just an ordinary girl who wants someone to love me. While I unknowingly spend my morning waking up in tears today, I'm genuinely glad you could still enjoy the recruit movie you're now playing on screen.

This morning, I don't know what to say to set things right again. I just wish you'd be less strong & be more concerned about me.


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