Did I do something wrong?

For so long that I forgot how I used to wake up in tears and wet pillows, here I am doing it again.

It's been so long since I left you. Every country I stopped the first thing I did was to get wifi to tell you my whereabouts, so you won't feel worried. Yet you wouldn't do the same for me. I hate technology for the possible letdowns. Perhaps you are too busy. Perhaps there's something very wrong with your phone. But when Facebook & whatsapp failed to work, I don't know how else I can reach you. Am I losing you again?

Did I do something wrong?

Please don't be too busy for me. Even if it's just "Peiru, I'm sorry I've been busy. I'm glad you're back home safe and sound, I'll text you later"

In the past, you used to worry like crazy. Maybe you did love me lesser now. I can sense I'm less sexy and desirable to you. For a man who doesn't really need a woman in his life, what can I do to rekindle the spark of love we once had?

I watched a movie in the plane. This very movie was adopted from a novel I studied in school for my literature. It's a very deep book. But in essence, it's about this man. He was born poor but had visions to make it really big in life. He fell in love with this girl and since then in his every plans the girl was part of his visions. He left the girl, because he thought that he could only succeed by being on his own, but when he finally did become super rich and wealthy, he realised the girl remarried to another a rich man. He threw glamorous parties with the hope that it would attract the attention of the girl he loves, but the girl never came. But through a friend, he managed to get the girl to come together again. The girl loved him, their feelings rekindled and they made love and spent so much time together, secretly. He forced the girl to tell her husband to break it off and say to her husband that she never loved him. The truth is, the girl did fall in love again with her husband when it happened. While the poor old lover still lived in the past, trying to chase his dreams & in the midst of sacrificing his love for the girl so that he could concentrate on his career, he didn't realise he actually lost it all the day he decided to let her go.

Oppa, it's a sad story. Life is unpredictable. We can love each other so much & yet while I can promise to love you forever, I wonder if you would ever have a change of heart. I don't want us to become another tragic story. I just hope while you have me, cherish me more while you can. I'm sorry I kept sleeping in the journeys but I can't beat the fatigue. I wished I spent more time with you and did more things with you. I hate myself for being so weak & I can't stand myself for wasting so much time sleeping while I was with you. While these faults I cannot undo, I can only try to be better to you. Make it up to you the next time I see you.

Please don't go missing on me. Please don't think of me as a burden. I really don't need much. I only need to be remembered and for you to say hello. That's all I'm really asking for. So why.

Are you okay?

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