i'm all kinds of sick

Today, I'm all kinds of sick.

Physically sick: Bad cough. blocked nose. lethargy. giddiness. weak limbs. I wish I was stronger.

 Mentally sick: The bad weeks before left my mind unrested and foggy. I'm not recovered from the heartaches and bullying. I wish I was stronger.

Lovesick : Yesterday, Edward, you left me again. I know it wasn't deliberate. I know you had to go back. But the heartbreak was not something I anticipated. It seemed so easy the previous times. Never had I thought it'd become so difficult. Your time here was so limited, yet within this short timeframe everything happened. We had our sweetest moments, we had our worst moments.The hardest part wasn't seeing you go. The hardest part was to survive the lovesick after you head back home.

Some part of me wished you never came. Now you left footprints all over Singapore. Everywhere I go I get reminded of the good and bad times together; the ghosts of you and me. The Ramen shop that ripped people off with $2 cups, Marina Square where we squeezed amongst the crowd to immerse in the thrilling atmosphere of F1, where loud engine noises, sparkles on the road and smoke filling the air ignites our excitement every single second of it. The late night frog porridge supper, late nights where I almost lost you. Dinner and lunches with uncle. afternoon food expeditions all around Raffles Place, sneak peeks at my dong seang at the Korean Plaza,simple street foods with taiwan noodle, chicken and herbal eggs and burgers. The snuggling and teasing in bed before sleep. The fruit ninja battles you never get to win. The shopping and makeover. The shoeless morning orange juice to convenience store and piggyback back home. Kimchi and curry cooking together.

I can't let any of these go. I can't let go.

What did you do to me? What magic did you cast on me. You seem more and more lovable, despite all your shortcomings. They are so easily forgotten in the light of your virtues. I'm not usually like this. I think I really am falling in love with you.

Maybe I became more sensitive. But as the days progressed, we seem to be drifting apart. From sweet hugs, lying on your shoulder during sleep became two people sleeping back facing each other. Articles say that it's a sign we're not getting along well. So I'm not sure. I'm just sorry if things aren't perfect between us, I have caused it all. I shouldn't have let this happen.

For so many mornings I did not make right. I'm sorry your coffee and orange juice weren't always available. But for the last 2 days I tried to right my wrongs. I hope that managed to seal the differences between us. I really never meant to cause a rift between us. I want to make good. I want to be your future. I'm sorry I made a happy boy unhappy.

I'm sorry this time you didn't get to eat your salted crab.

I'm sorry this time you didn't get to eat more durians.

I'm sorry this time, you suffered so much.

Even till now, the guilt rides on me perpetually. It never goes away. I'm sorry even my only mission to make your happy, I failed to accomplish it. But, give me a chance. You must be happy, and happier.

& lastly, homesick: My home is where you are. Now that you're not here, I don't feel the warmth of a home you bring me. Lets sort out our lives soon & lets be together soon.

I didn't mean to fall in love with you.& yet, everyday I must remember not to. My heart is too weak for this.