All good things about you

I only want to remember all the good things about you, no matter how painful it is to look back at these pretty memories again.

23 September 2013: I remembered the song you were listening to the day we fought (again I'm deeply sorry, no amount of sorrys can ever make up for you I know, but i'm sorry other than proving to you with a lifetime of love and sorrys, there's no way I can take it back, everyday I could only ask for your forgiveness). Club 8, love in december. I listened to it. It's so melancholic, so sentimental and so sad. I told you I replayed the song again and again, I told you "it sounds too sad". You replied "Hmm it depends on your mood hun *crying face* you must be feeling sad. This will cheer you up! and then you sent me a really cute picture of your new car bedsheet. I became the happiest girl on earth. I laughed to myself. I only wished you were there to witness my laughter and share it with me. 

September 24 2013: Today I went to the doctors, for coming down with cough and flu after the weeks of crying because of the uncertainties between us which left my immunity damaged. I told you there were more than 40 people in line before me, you said "Why the q so bloody long *insert 3 crying faces, My babe is not well everyone out of way" I was touched by these little things you say. It makes me cry.

Later in the afternoon, you said to me "Hun I wanted to wear the shoes you got me, but if my foot hurts again, I have no one to put plaster on for me *teardrop face* so I couldn't wear them" I said "Oh no Why didn't I think of that. I should have gotten you plasters" You said "I can get plasters here" I said " Mine's different. Mine's filled with love". You said "But no one to put it on for me..." I said " you got to wear them, it'll get seasoned one day" you said "But I will wear them out *crying face* These shoes are from you, from peiru" My heart sank. My darling, please wear the pretty shoes. I know you love them. I love how sentimental you are. You're such a darling.

I told you "I havent' recovered from the pain of seeing you leave again, I wonder if you felt the same when you had no choice but to leave Singapore. If I were you, I couldn't, I imagined myself travelling to NZ. I'm scared". You answered "Everytime I go into the gate, it takes me so much time and courage to do it." I only wished god would have more mercy on us. Let us live together soon. It pains me so much. Nevermind about me, but it really pains me to see your heart ache like that.

you do cute little things like saying "popo". My heart melts.

you showed me a picture of the cookies I bought you. I'm so overwhelmed by joy you love it. I'm contented just seeing you eating well and happy. It makes me happy. It surprises me the little things you do have an exponential effect upon me. I don't know how to measure joy, but when you smile, my entire world lights up for years. Please stay that way. Everytime I think of the picture you sent me with your mother, I see that small boy smiling. My heart aches and all I want to do is to maintain that smile on his face. It's so precious I could give up a wedding ring made of diamond for a straw one. I really can. So oppa. Please smile more. Like the sunflower I gave you on valentine's day, and the card I wrote you, I told you to maintain that smile as bright as the sunflower. I love you so much, I gave my entire heart out to you when you went back to New Zealand. My heart is now so hollow, waiting to see you again so you can put it back.

Kyoung Tae oppa. I love you and only you.