I miss you so much

I miss you so much last night I dreamt about you. We were at a bar, then that's all the time we had together. From day till night, I didn't go home, you didn't too. But when it was late at night, when the mall where we were in closes, we couldn't bear to leave each other. But I went off first anyway, because the bartender was chasing me away. Then as I walked away when you didn't notice, you ran after me and hugged me from the back, you asked me not to leave. But we have to part for the day. I think that was the rule in the dream. We could only meet again the next day.

While we were at the traffic lights, where the junction was, we're were waiting for the green man to flicker. You just stood behind me and hugged me tight, as though it was the last night we're gonna spend together. Like how you hugged me in the mrt and made people think I was pregnant and offered me a seat. Remember? It was good times. Our wait at the traffic light seemed so long yet so short. It seemed like we were the only people who existed in the world, as we looked lovingly into each other's eyes, as if if we were to part again, we would never see each other again. Every minute we cherished just in case there was no tomorrow, just in case it was the last night you could hug me this close.

There is a part three. But I shall keep this dream to myself :) it's so bitter sweet, I wished the ending was to have us together for eternity. Unfortunately it was morning already so I don't know what happened to us. Maybe the future is in our hands to decide. & every step I'm taking now are very decisive, aggressive and uncalculated & willful moves to hop into your arms, hoping you are a good bet I can put my last chip on.

Thousands of advices are telling me to not walk into this trap of broken love, that I cannot ever ever go back to a man who broke my heart. Please don't be disheartened, and please don't feel sad about the truth oppa, because I'm courageously taking steps to defy the world, just because I believe in you. & if the entire world turn their backs on me, I only have you to fall back on. Same goes the other way, if the entire world turns their back on you, I'd still believe in you. Our mutual strength is a secret weapon for everything negative in the world. You are my strength & reason to live on. Please allow me to be yours too.

I'm glad we're picking up. But I'm afraid to think too much of it. It's sad that we've become like that. So I'm not sure this positivity can ultimately bear the fruit of my hopes. For the past few months I've held onto the belief that you'll come back. It was an empty bet. & it didn't make it better that you didn't guaranteed anything. I was clutching onto the survival ropes of fear & empty dreams. I was just glad that on the other end, you're still holding onto this rope off the cliff I'm left deserted and forgotten.




Keep holding on. We'll be the happiest people if we just held on. I don't have expectations other than spending my life with you. It doesn't have to be glamorous. We don't have to have money to be rich. My life is richer with you, it's gonna be more than fulfilling. I don't know about you oppa.

I just always prayed you'll feel the same.

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