I don't know why

Oppa, I don't know why, but tonight, my heart is missing you a thousand times more than the usual.

I really wish in future, instead of typing it out here, I can text you instead. Instead of texting, maybe I can call you instead. And maybe instead of calling, I could tell you face to face instead. And maybe, if I'm luckier, instead of telling it to you face to face, I could whisper into your ears, and if I put my hands on your chest, I'd like it that it'd beat ten, twenty times faster, like it used to be.

I don't know what are we now, even though I asked you about it. But we're nothing like before. This is the first time I ever had to find back the love that's lost. It's like a treasure hunt, only harder than I thought.

You can make it easy for me & for us, why don't you do that now.

Oppa, don't keep neglecting this genuine heart of mine. Because I love you this much...

To me, you're everything. With you, nothing really matter. You don't have to show me the whole of New Zealand for me to love that place. I'd love any place as long as you're there. You don't have to feed me well because to me, you're my lifeline. I'm quite sure I can go without food and water for days, but I've never felt nearer to death than that day you wanted us to break up. You don't have to be the best in the corporate or academic world, because even without these credentials, I still see all the good in you to excel in life. I believe in you, everything that you tell me. I just hope you won't betray this trust & that you never lied to me. You're not born the most handsome man on earth, yet, you look more than just fine. I cannot imagine one day I couldn't see you anymore. & I'm damned sure this face is the only face I want to wake up to in the mornings. I love how your muscle-less hands can still hold my hands so tightly, I love how your body can give me so much warmth. I love how your mini eyes can still show so much emotion to capture my heart, & how your half-formed dimple on your left cheek can illuminate a smile so bright & so genuine my heart melts everytime I see you smile. The half-Korean half-kiwi accent sounds like a well formed melody, so pleasant to my ears, & you're absolutely sweet when you tell me how I shouldn't lose weight because I'm perfect as I am. It's one of the sweetest things a man can ever say to a lady.

You're the sweetest boy ever.

It was my loss to have lost you. You've punished me enough already. It's enough already.


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