I am in a good place & I deserve it all. It's my hardwork paying off.
Yet it doesn't feel complete.
at night, when I walk home alone, the roads always looks further and away than they seem.
I'm pining away and surviving on bouts of hope thrown to me out of pity. I'm like a little puppy awaiting her owner to come back and claim her. Only to be met with a lot of disappointment & the like.
You said before you want to let me know how you're doing. Just not through the phone or any social media. I thought for once you'd rely on the traditional letter. So ever since everyday I'll open the mail box. Sometimes when it's filled, I'm excited, I flip through the stack hoping one of them is sent by you. Then, letter after letter, and then the disappointment is delayed, only to find out that none is addressed to me. Sometimes, like today, the mailbox only had 3 letters. It's easy to sift. Yours isn't there.
So what if I wait until June. What would it prove? I love you. I do. It doesn't have to wait till June to be proven. I can wait. But why do I have to? what's the purpose? What are you searching for?
You're too greedy. You had $50 but you want to go for the hundred. You had the burger but you want the steak. You had an Audi, but you want the Bugatti. You had me, but it wasn't enough for you.
What is it you're trying to achieve?
I think about everything you said. I can always find reasons to believe that you still love me.
But truth be told. You most probably don't anymore.
Remember this corner? I don't even remember what we were quarreling over. But that night you pretty much made up your mind to break up. I begged you to stay. When I thought it was over, I thought my life was pretty much over too. You took me back out of pity. I know it in my bones. You hugged me only because of past feelings that expired on that day. & it still hurts. How can you decide so fast to turn your back on me. How could you decide to not love me in just a matter of hours? Especially when I'm the last person in the world who wouldn't want to hurt you?
For a person who's left alone for a large part of his life, I can't understand why life did that to you. But now, I can't understand what you're doing to your life when it's starting to treat you better.
Maybe I'm too full of myself. Maybe I'm not the only one treating you so well. Maybe you have tons of people treating you the same, or even better than I do. Good for you. I can't give you anything better than this I'm sorry.
I'm sorry you met me.
Oppa. You can save the effort of visiting everyday. It's quite pointless already. It doesn't prove anything. You're free to go. So please don't lie to me that you're coming back.
Why can't you just tell me you won't. So I have a proper reason to let us go? I just wish no matter what people do to me, at least you, of all people, would never ever lie to me.
It's hurting again tonight.
God. Please.
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