insomnia

this week i havent slept well. i've slept less than 5 hours everyday. I don't know why i'm missing sleep so much. I just can't sleep. So when I can't sleep, you flood my head with memories of our yesterdays. maybe it's the incessant coughing too. It seems no matter how much hot water I drink the phlegm won't melt away. Maybe the cold outside chills faster than the hot water I intake.

recently I am addicted to this song by Imagine Dragons, Demons. It's as if you're singing to me. Especially the following parts of the song. I feel like you're still there for me to reach out to, yet we are now almost nothing to each other. You don't ask about me & I'm here still blogging for you. I feel like you want to walk away already, but you won't bear to tell me the truth that all is lost. If there really is that feeling inside you that made you walk away, it's probably the demons to me, because they took you away. But oppa, there's nothing to shelter me from, it's the truth I want to hear. Why leave me hanging when you just want to walk away? but don't worry. I'm used to this. I'm used to this life without you. I'm not saying it's a good feeling, but what I cannot do anything about, there's really nothing I can do. I've done everything I can. But what won't kill me, maybe it didn't make me stronger, but it won't kill me again.

my heart feels nothing now, not even when boys made advances toward me. Nobody means anything anymore.

But it's probably nice to share this song for now. Listen to it oppa. It's my current favourite. I put it on repeat at least a hundred times a day. Heh.

"I want to hide the truth
I want to shelter you
But with the beast inside
There's nowhere we can hide
No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide

Don't get too close
It's dark inside
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide"

"They say it's what you make
I say it's up to fate
It's woven in my soul
I need to let you go
Your eyes, they shine so bright
I want to save their light
I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how"