Its one of those things I can't talk about. Yet I feel deeply disturbed. I wish it were that simple. & I happen to understand that "life isn't a bed of roses" & even in that statement, hypocrisy undermines the entire phrase from the first to the very last word.
I feel like a piece of thrash right now. throw me into the bin, drive me away to the wasteland. dump me there. I really would feel better off that way. Nothing, literally nothing can help to boost my sense of self worth/ego.
plagued by the curse of obesity for the past two decades of my life, I can only wish my efforts would pay off & one day, one day I would pierce every single individual who've judged & shunned with my glam streaks.
I could feel my knee giving way, abrasion in my old ailment where the ankle bones collide more violently with each running session I do. Ffeet cramps 5 times a day. fainting spells, hyperventilation, hunger, rapid heart palpitations... & then the nausea, anemia, the pallid face, the feeble limbs, the lethargy that comes with an exponential interest my exponentially ageing body could never pay it back. I've delved & exploited even the most unorthodox ways to keep the weight down.
I only wish all these would be shortlived. There's 2 kinds of pain I have to deal with now, & its easy to decide which one deals the bigger blow.
Defeated.
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