you always ask "what have I done to have deserve you in this world, I must have saved someone important", and I would ask the same. To have met you is just so unbelievable. We just happened to be at the right place at the right time. What happens after is our own doings. I never regretted initiating our first date. But what I did not see coming was what came after. No, please do not misunderstand. No matter what, I would have done the same given that I know what you are like already. I really would have done the same. But what I hoped to be different was to become better than we already are.
There are so much differences between us. In culture, language, geograpical, time, friends, lifestyle. But only our love for each other remains constant. But I've come to realise in reality, differences can set us apart, despite loving each other. Of all the differences that we have, I find grographical is only temporary. Eventually we can be together stepping on the same ground, breathing the same air, sharing food from the same plate, and materialise this very fate. However, the disastrous differences in means and extent of communication remains more permanent, so is the damage. Because we couldn't each other's intention enough, so we argued, set ourselves apart for so many defective reasons and reasoning due to misunderstanding. & so I want to improve our means of comminication. I'm sorry if somehow I was too demanding. But I get angry that you're not helping. I appears that you seem to be wanting to not share what you know. I feel like I cannot get to you and that frustrates me a whole lot. You appear nothing but arrogant about your language, and the fact that you never wanted to learn my language upsets me. It's like I'm the only one trying, & the worst excuse you ever gave me was "I'm bad at languages".
I'd like to clarify, everytime I laugh after you utter something it's not because it sounds odd. It's funny to me because I found you cute, not because you said it strange. It's just different from how I say it but you said it more correctly that I do. Neither is it your fault that your English is not totally correct, because there's a language theory that kids lose the ability to learn language as they age. You learnt it at 12 years old, it was a little too late. Your English is understandable, but I can help you perfect it. You're just not willing to learn. Learning takes humility, meaning putting your pride and whatever knowledge aside, forget all the excuses you have and concentrate on what was correct and what you did say wrong. If you do wanted to improve, tell me again. Otherwise, there's no point in me forcing you.
On the other hand, while I want to learn your language so badly, you're not willing to teach. I have no idea what's so difficult in trnaslating. you just say it. you just have to translate and say it to me. If you're going to be angry with me just because of this, so be it. I can stop learning & I shall stop learning it altogether.
Those things I said to you, I wasn't wrong, and you know it. You are half of everything, and what irritates me is your unwillingness to make sure you're not half of something. Guys with no motivation to improve are not charming at all. But, despite all of those, you're not halved to me. You belong to me. You're everything to me. I hope you understand my intention. & althought I don't feel sorry for what I said, I am sorry for hurting your feelings, and I regretted putting you in such misery. Please don't feel sad, please don't feel down. It's my fault I wasn't born in the same place, same time, and same location as you. & in that, I feel really bad that we actually met like this.
Now, you're not talking to me & my heart really hurts. I'm not sure what would become of us tomorrow. I shouldnt have put it across in those words, it's the kind of things you regret immediately right after you say it. Especially towards the person I love the most in this entire world, and in all the possible worlds in the universe. I'm caught in this dilemma. I wonder how we would work out. For now, I just wished you were here so I could show you how sorry I am with swollen eyes and a mountain of soiled tissue papers, and hug you in my arms to take away all the pain I inflicted upon you.
A few days ago I needed dental help but I told you I felt so helpless because I couldnt go. You told me, the true meaning of helpless is to see somebody you love in pain and not being able to help. That line was so chivalrous, so charming, so classic, and so romantic. I melted inside and out.
With you, life is so difficult yet its so fulfilling.Yet everyday, we could only hope, dream and fantasize about a future we're not guaranteed of. My confidence in us is waning by the day. My heart dies a little bit everyday. But to lose you is to lose everything. I don't want that. Everyday before I sleep, I'd recall your face, so that I wouldn't forget how you look like. I play the recordings I cheated from you so I wouldn't forget how you sound like. I recall the days from the day we met, and the very few moments we spent together so our memories would stay. This is the kind of life I go through everyday. But where are you? Please don't keep yourself away just because you don't feel like talking. my heart is burning. I'm worried.
Honey, I'm worried. I don't know what's the best way to bridge our differences. But now it seems like there's no way out. The more I try to salvage us, the more it backfires. tell me what to do.
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