For the first time in my life, i feel suicidal not because of love relationships but because I hate someone so much, I want him to regret & live with the guilt forever.
& of all people. It has to be my elder brother. Then again, after thinking twice, Why should I be surprised? It has always been this way.
& it's gonna be worth it. the many people who would hate him for it. Even those who would forgive him for it will escalate the guilt, assuming he still has a heart which i highly believe so.
I'm not sane. For now at least. but i've used my triumph card to see how things go. 21 years of kinship, sporadic instances of favour, shared jokes & laughter have been sacrificed since. Now it's either dad save the day, or let this result in a bloodbath.
Either way, i know i'm not at a losing end. I always have the upperhand. Couldnt be more sure of my winning streak(s).
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