How have you been doing? Chris has been bugging me for a restaurant auntie. & he randomly asked how's my work and all, and he even went as far to comment "must b eddie having trouble to wake due to not hearing e a na yo!!!" 

HA. I don't know how to reply to that. Neither would I tell him about what happened to us just yet. But I do have troubles waking up because I haven't heard "일어나요" for quite some time now. 

I missed you. 

I can move on. But I don't want to. Seeing this picture of us reminded me of the fact that I WAS the happiest girl on earth. I don't know what happened but... I really hope you are happier now.

& it doesnt mean I have to stop trying. Oppa. I'm still here.

love and romance

love and romance is what sustains me. I was thinking if I would ever again, experience something and so someone so romantic like you. I wonder what would happen if you didnt leave your number. If I never took my chances to text and call you. What would become of us? 

All that followed was the doing of fate and our decisions. Fate allowed us to meet, I decided to follow up from there. & therefore, to make it happen, I must keep trying. For maybe, just maybe, you'd come back to me. 

I do love you. Why can't your heart feel it. 

impulse

oppa. I still miss you each and everyday of my life. I have the impulse to call you, to text you, to find out how you're doing with your life. but all of these, I've come to be told, are too intrusive. If you're not coming to me, everything i do for you might just go unappreciated, and a burden to you. If only being nice to you were simpler. If only life were simpler. Imagine there werent seas separating nations, if only there weren't desires and hate and love. We would be all one body. I wouldnt have to suffer from the torment of love. You wouldn't have to suffer the torment to know how to reject me time and again.

I always knew how to fall in love. I never really knew how to fall out of it.

Come back to me. I'd be good to you.

Fresh start

I'm receiving a date almost everyday. So this is how it feels like beig single again. But I'm selective. I still prioritize my studies and work. I still have you in me.

I'm not quite sure when you're ever gonna go away.

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i miss you

it still hurts i think. but i sort of buried the feeling. i know its still there. i know it. you still have a place there. but i'm terribly numbed I don't know what am i feeling anymore. I wonder how much hurt do you have to cause before it reached this stage. 6 months of emotional torture. perhaps. or was it a year already? I don't know. I just know, I couldn't believe you could just choose to throw something so great away.

You know you can find another. it'll just never be the same.

& I know it too.

I could only ask, "oppa, how are you?" from afar. If only we didn't start it, we could still be friends.

& everyday, in the mornings when I wake up, I'd whisper to myself "Oppa, I really hope you're right about us. Please be happier."


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Close to you

Sometimes, even just seeing you online, I feel close to you. We don't have to say anything. It's just good enough you're at the other end of the line.

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The ones out there

I'm surprised by the range of my choices. Still, from now on I should practice caution. You left me broken. But there are interesting personalities out there. I'm reminded that I am still popular.

I could throw my net & look at my catches of the day with amusement. Then like a playful fishermen I let them go at dawn & dusk again.

Fun. But it's not love.


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The many questions

What went wrong? What did I do wrong? Was I not good enough? So where is the love?

Everyday these questions surface in my head. If nothing went wrong, if I didn't do anything wrong. If I was the best you ever had... If the answers to the above were all positive, why are you still leaving?

I really don't know what I can do. I know there's nothing I can do to revive a lost love. But I still keep trying, because I really want us to go back to what we were. Maybe you forgot. Maybe you lost faith. Let me keep trying. Maybe, just maybe, one day... You'll come back to me.

Please, please be my last love.

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