For now, love is the last thing on my mind. But no doubt I'm still in love with the idea of romantic love. So while I enjoy being part of it, I want everything to remain platonic. That night, was one that deserved to be documented, because I'm not sure if I'll meet anyone like this again. I woke up, and everything was so surreal, yet, the conversations from the night before replayed inside my head a thousand times. & it was a conversation I never want to forget.
16th Jan. Dinner with Korean at Newton. He wasn't exactly the most handsome guy I've met. But so far, I was charmed by the kiwi+korean accent he had. I loved the dimples & this smile, so genuine, shy & happy, all at the same time. I loved the way he cracked his brains over two math/IQ questions I posed. The way he tried so hard & frowned was just pure sorcery. I was enchanted by the business speeches he told me about, and I listened as if I understood every single bit about it. Not that I didn't, just that while i understood the logic behind his thoughts, I wouldn't understand the implications of their business meetings and conversations about marketing techniques, buying over restaurants and selecting prime locations for the opening of Chris's bistros. Then I realised he belonged to a different league, one that I would wow over, but he sort of established this entrepreneurial frontier that I could probably never transcend. So there's this imaginary distance. Physically there yet spiritually we're both isolated. We have such differing dreams and lifestyle and mindset. Each time I feel he's so much more superior than I was. Yet, he would constantly put me on a pedestal (or so i thought), which made me very flattered and I've slowly let my guard down. His subtle humour captivated me. I just realised he is a smoker, & he was telling me about how he tried to avoid lighting sticks before my arrival. "I didn't want to smell like an ashtray." I laughed. Somehow, for the kind of ironic impression he is building is fascinating. Eventually I got to know that he smokes anyway. Still, 100 brownie points for effort. Then I fixed my eyes on his dimples again, letting my emotions take over my sanity. I didn't care if my feebled mind clouded my judgements. I didnt know how, everything happened in a flash. He took my hand in his. I let him. I was shocked, I really was. But the way he held it, it was just, so incredibly tranquilizing yet perplexing. It sent surges of this fuzzy, warm feeling that feels like a mini heartattack. But his fingers and palm fit so snugly around mine like the most perfect key-lock combination. He asked, "how did it feel?". I said, "I'm shocked". He looked slightly disappointed. But i'm sure it didn't matter much to him. & I refused to tell him the other half of what I felt, that his grip was full of masculinity & was definitely the best hand I've held. My mind was shouting, "OMG it feels damn freaking good. please never let go. Please just hold on to it this way, until the world comes to an end." But I know I couldn't, because if I was all honest, I would lose this love game.
You said "I don't want a relationship, because I don't even know what'll happen to me tomorrow". I wanted to tell you, "Let me be a part of it anyhow. Lets just experience now together, until there's no tomorrow."
